Day 85 Raw Only But Day 1 AGAIN Lengthening Fasts
I have to "get sober" to really succeed in lengthening my fasts again. I can't get up my spirit to fast this weekend, as I normally might. It is terrible. But I have self-awareness... but I need COURAGE AND FORTITUDE. Help!
Date: 7/17/2008 3:26:10 PM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1962 times
I succeeded in only a really short fast this past week. It was like 29 and 3/4 hours. Horrible.
I am straining to get "happy" enough to fast again.
I realize (with some mercy toward myself but with frightening terrror of changing) that I with my constant getting high on food -- constant maintenance of a toxic state -- am primarily trying to make myself feel "cozy" in life - warm - I don't know how to describe it.
To create a fast, I need to get something OTHER THAN food to perform this "warming" function, for a time.
I have buile a positive routine of fasting through the weekend and this routine is in itself warming and reassuring. ... I don't want to lose that. I am
I have relapsed back into eating fruit cause my sprouts were too starchy. But I feel better on the fruit. But it has got to go if I am to succeed in fasting. ..... I am havign a hard time envisioning starting a fast from a meal with no nuts, only fruit. It seems when I gav up nuts, I lost my ability to fast longer. PAIN!!!!! WHY can't I fast without a binge beforehand? Not a binge really -- it is all according to a food plan but too much to eat at once.
So -- I eat no nuts, and fruit is my only vice. I have to improve my sprouts (about to go do that now - sort of committing to really attending my sprouter throughout the day... going home midday to work on my sprouts... attending my sprouts 3 x per day. arrrgghh.... as soon as my sprouts are improved I can stop the fruit... work on stopping it.
I am struggling to establish a Day One of increasing again my lengths of fasts.
A big, important, and TERRIFYING AND SO DISCOURAGING thing I have realized is that I have GOT TO SERIUOSLY CLEAN UP MY DIET and really commit to SUPER-LIGHT EATING BOTH before and AFTER any fast. I have got to start fasting in a whole different way.
I have just got to get a bit more sober, get a bit more detached from food, to succeed in fasting.
It is REALLY HARD TO STATE THE PROBLEM. IT IS REALLY HARD TO ARTICULATE EXACTLY WHAT i AM DOING WITH FOOD THAT IS WRONG -- THAT CONSTITUTES GETTING HIGH.
Two reasons for this suggest themselves: One, I AM SO VULNERABLE. I have got to articulat this further. Two, my food addiction ressists beign exposed.
Right now, with fasting: I am off nuts and peanuts. I am on fruit and sprouts. I need to get off fruit, improving my sprouts so I can eat only sprouts (the starchy, ungrown ones horribly throw me into a day-long paroxysm of intense false hunger -- total and massive and personality-annihilating food cravings. I become a zombie in search and craving of my food fix. I can't do anything or function. It is horrible.)
I think I have to approach fasting the slow hard way... the load-up-fruit-and-nuts- and then fast and then load-up-fruit-and-nuts again way is too painful... I guess. I know it hurts like hell to eat heavily after a fast
I need to slow down and actually get in touch with myself and actually fast consciously - not abruptly and with maximm distractionand eating heavily afterward... this is the slow, difficult, reality-based, sane way. Sane fasting. HELP!!!!
I need to fast this weekend. Help. Oh, help. I am in despair. Where is my help?
What little steps toward sane fasting can I take?????? CAn I start a day count on these? This should be the way I approach lengthening my fasts. I need to set a course of action - and stick to it - count my days sticking to it. THe course of action can be a gradual stepping away from non-sprouted food and a building of superlight eating before and after fasts as well as a gradual lengthening of fasts.
I must fast this weekend. I want to take a 3-day fast, friday to monday mornings. I want to go to the theater to fortify myself and make myself want to be sane and food-sober. It is so hard. I must post this fast on forums or something.
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