A Declaration of Self
self actualising and going to work supercharged
Date: 11/10/2005 11:06:01 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3046 times
My body is in a titanic struggle to stay the same, the way it's always been. Overweight, unattractive and unappealing to ward off any friendship from anyone (esp. men!) so that I'd never have to expose myself and thus risk getting hurt. Yes that's what many of us abuse survivors struggle with. Get abused then when you grow up get abused some more by the world and their negativity.
I'm sitting here in my room the day after going home sick. I love my job as it keeps me active but yesterday I was taken with illness. My face looked terrible with big pimples. Is this my old self's last gasp? I've not had coffee in six days but my body is craving it now. I'm breaking out in acne too. Yet, I feel a struggle, a struggle for myself.
I know I've been presened with a choice, red pill and enjoy life living and being my authentic self. How about the blue pill? Fat, lonely, single, bad acne, hating that I was born, hating that I was abused, just a lot of different reasons for hate. Keep working jobs I was not meant to be in and staying in a drowsy, depressed mood.
I can't go to work without telling you my decision. I am going to walk into work a different person today at 1 p.m. I've been to the moutaintop spiritually and in meditation. God gave me a wonderful man in my life who loves me unconditionally and loves my body and doesn't think I'm too fat or too weird to have.
You can guess what it is and is most certainly NOT the blue pill which stands for fat,lonely single and suicidal!
How Deep the Rabbit Hole Goes
written by Andy Wachowski & Larry Wachowski
Morpheus: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: 'Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind -- driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
(Neo nods his head.)
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, or when go to church or when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, born inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. (long pause, sighs) Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
(In his left hand, Morpheus shows a blue pill.)
Morpheus: You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. (a red pill is shown in his other hand) You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. (Long pause; Neo begins to reach for the red pill) Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.
(Neo takes the red pill and swallows it with a glass of water)
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