Day TWO of seven-day fast by lauray .....
losing the willingness
Date: 8/4/2008 8:29:53 PM ( 14 y ago)
I am trying to stay with this.
i am feeling really bleak.
I am over-strained.
i am miserable - in public libraries all day
Going home to some movies that I have checked out of the library
Generally I am too alone.
I am really on this aloneness marathon... keeping to myself to focus on fasting. But I have reached a point of needing entertainment, distraction, engagement, so as to keep to my fasting goal.
I ought to start looking for a job -- a good job -- acting jobs or something in entertainment -- so as jsut to keep myself on the fast.
Good God. i am really losing my willingness to go through with this. i am ashamed. i want to feel determined again. I really want this time to be different.
BUT IT IS SO HARD. And I have a fear of being in danger somehow from the fasting.
Right, I have to distract myself. Going to job-search now or soemthing. Anything to give me the sense that I have something besides food to live for.
God,I jsut want to quit right now. Well, I guess I will jsut have to decide if that is waht I really want to do.
I have got to write people asking for suppor tand post again or soemthing. Help.
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