Interpersonal Communication in the Spirit of Dialogue + by Chef JeM .....

We all "know" that change is the one constant in life and sometimes knowing that helps when the shift hits the fan! ; ~ )

Date:   11/26/2014 8:36:06 AM ( 9 y ago)

My bath times are great for inspiration! This last one gifted me with a "gestalt" of communication themes that I have been developing over the years.

I now have a statement that (at least for me) offers unified clarity about my work in this arena. My work is very largely based on interpersonal communications that are deeply immersed in the spirit of "dialogue"[4] and that readily draw from the relating dyad work that I have done over the course of the last thirty-three years!

This integration comes on the day that I received a letter from my mother and on the first anniversary of the passing of my father plus thirteen months after the passing of my second sister (who was the older surviving sister of our sister who crossed-over about seventeen years ago).

I just wrote my reply to my mother letting her know that she is the only one of the "family" who has contacted me with the sincere intention to communicate with me and that communication is the only basis that I know of for sharing a relationship with me. My mother had asked a few questions which I regard as "in the spirit of dialogue". I said I hope that we can continue to communicate and especially with love.

In my bath I had remembered a line she wrote about giving away an art piece that I had made when I was about 16 and that she had framed and kept in their home since they first began moving from Chicago to Arizona about thirty years ago. In the tub I was feeling "not happy" to learn about that give-away and particularly not happy about where it went - out of state!

However - I very soon turned the whole thought of this over to the Holy Spirit and then very soon realized that I could easily let go of it and allow room for new art work to come through me!

I previously had thoughts of taking the original Venetian drawing that my folks had and adding color to it, "glorifying" the original work! But my folks didn't know my thoughts on that. It is interesting that this news re: this Italian-themed drawing comes to me now just one day after I had blogged about Italian Renaissance Cooking at my "Chef Jemichel" blog![1]

In the tub I re-thought this and realized that I'm open to a new connections with the Italian "landscape" and a new Renaissance as well!

I now declare: I am easily letting go of the residues of my past - making way for the new and good that is coming into my life now!

Christmas Day, 2015 -

In the Destiny Cards System - the card for December 25th is the Six of Hearts. My Planetary Ruler Card happens to be the Six of Hearts. This card is known as "The Peace-Maker card" also "Mission of Love". "The Six of Hearts has often been referred to as the 'perfect love of Christ.'"[2]

Peace for the Six of Hearts comes from their balance in life and in all their relationships. (Think of the six-pointed star with two triangles intersecting as in the Star of David.) The Six of Hearts prefers to be with those they can do business with. The "balance" they need probably can be better accounted for this way. At least I find it so.

Another arena for balance is in interpersonal communications. Up til now I have relied upon the Dyads, especially Relating Exercises, for obtaining and maintaining balance in communications. Now I'd like to give my attention to dialogue. I have blogged about dialogue a few times before. Dialogue is the new community! In light of all the above - today I'm encouraged to have found the following.

"Guidelines for Open Dialogue

The more all participants are aware of the nature of dialogue and committed to bringing it about, the better the chance it will happen. Towards that end, the following comparison of dialogue and debate offers one of the most useful summaries of dialogue that we've seen. (It was adapted by the Study Circle Resource Center from a paper prepared by Shelley Berman, which in turn was based on discussions of the Dialogue Group of the Boston Chapter of Educators for Social Responsibility.)

Even on first reading, it can change one's perspective. The specifics, however, can be hard to keep in mind. So the more often people read (and discuss) the list, the more effective it will be. ...

Dialogue is collaborative: two or more sides work together toward common understanding. Debate is oppositional: two sides oppose each other and attempt to prove each other wrong.

In dialogue, finding common ground is the goal. In debate, winning is the goal.

In dialogue, one listens to the other side(s) in order to understand, find meaning, and find agreement. In debate, one listens to the other side in order to find flaws and to counter its arguments.

Dialogue enlarges and possibly changes a participant's point of view. Debate affirms a participant's own point of view.

Dialogue reveals assumptions for reevaluation. Debate defends assumptions as truth.

Dialogue causes introspection on one's own position. Debate causes critique of the other position.

Dialogue opens the possibility of reaching a better solution than any of the original solutions. Debate defends one's own positions as the best solution and excludes other solutions.

Dialogue creates an open-minded attitude: an openness to being wrong and an openness to change. Debate creates a closed-minded attitude, a determination to be right.

In dialogue, one submits one's best thinking, knowing that other people's reflections will help improve it rather than destroy it. In debate, one submits one's best thinking and defends it against challenge to show that it is right.

Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending one's beliefs. Debate calls for investing wholeheartedly in one's beliefs.

In dialogue, one searches for basic agreements. In debate, one searches for glaring differences.

In dialogue, one searches for strengths in the other positions. In debate, one searches for flaws and weaknesses in the other positions.

Dialogue involves a real concern for the other person and seeks to not alienate or offend. Debate involves a countering of the other position without focusing on feelings or relationship and often belittles or deprecates the other person.

Dialogue assumes that many people have pieces of the answer and that together they can put them into a workable solution. Debate assumes that there is a right answer and that someone has it.

Dialogue remains open-ended. Debate implies a conclusion."[3]

Dec. 28th, 2015 -

Got referred to "Thrive" and checked it out even though I have already seen the movie a couple of times several years ago. My main interest then and now is regarding their Economics sector. I don't see actual economic solutions presented here via Thrive and it's been about four years since it was first released!

The following interests me with regards to "dialogue" and I intend to research this further.

"Mohandas Gandhi used the indigenous Dravidian technique of 'Satyagraha' (Hindi 'truth-search') of inquiring as to the 'best-intentions' of all parties to dialogues. To paraphrase Gandhi, 'What are your best-intentions & how can we help you fulfill these?' Indigene Community works with a process called, 'Both-sides-now, Equal-time, Recorded & Published Dialogues', which enable individuals 'in-all-walks-of-life' to engage each other in complementation to but without dependence upon expensive-divisive court, legal or mediation processes. Culturally rekindling dialogue's Dialectic Rights among us culturally helps us warm the insight & power of each individual." - comment posted by Douglas Jack[5]

February 7th, 2016 -

"... the ability to dialogue within ourselves is a great complement—and perhaps even a great preparation—for the ability to recognize and seize opportunities for such in-the-moment dialogue with others."[4]

June 15th -

In my introduction to a gentleman into "real talk" I am gifted with an outstanding reference on dialogue. The gentleman wrote:

"...Are you aware of the Finnish psychotherapist Jaakko Seikkula?

Amazing work and results using 'open dialogue' with psychosis. One of my dialogue heroes."

September 29, 2016 -

Inspired to search: "In the spirit of dialogue" got 1,770,000 results and found this particular blogpost in 4th place!



[2] Robert Camp in "Love Cards".


[4] Consider these "...three necessary features of dialogue. When any one of the following three is missing, it is 'some other kind of talk but not dialogue.'

Equality and the absence of coercive influences,
Listening with empathy,
Bringing assumptions into the open.":



interpersonal communication, dialogue, relating dyad, family, mother, relationship, emotional management, holy spirit, Destiny Cards, Six of Hearts, Peace-Maker, Mission of Love, Dyads, Relating exercises, debate collaborative, understanding, common ground, agreement, reevaluation, introspection


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