Bad Ex #1:
Total mama's boy. worked for an ambulance crew and I swear he had this savior complex-- not because it'd actually help someone else, but so people would look up to him-- to, you know, help the fact that his dad was a total scuzz who got fired from the police department of that very small town for sexual harrassment (not to mention sleeping with EVERY skank of the town twice). His mom-- geez-- I grew up Catholic, but what I have against organized Christian religion are examples such as her's: not divorcing the scuzz husband, keeping him around to punish him, and allowing him around the kids (scary.) What did I ever see in this ex? He looked like a skinny chipmunk.
Bad Ex #2:
another reason why never to date someone who lives in the same town as they grew up in (some people can get away with moving away and then coming back... but beware those who never move away), have religious nutso parents (he got grounded for watching aladdin as a child), have financial issues (this boy stayed with the same national bank even though they fined him two months in a row for being short on his car payment-- he didn't have the common sense God gave a piece of wood-- you'd figure he would either a) pay six months of car insurance at a time instead of getting fined $100 a month, or b) switch banks. But did he? no. His comment the second time it happened: "Why are you laughing? That eighty dollars would have gone to buy you something." -- %¤#&!§-. what a moron.) He's the person who I misremember his name on purpose, just so if I ever have the misfortune of running into him again, I'll automatically call him a very specific wrong name-- the name that people like his landlady used to call him, even though they knew him several months. It used to drive him insane.)
Bad Fling #1:
proves that big man with big feet and big hands do NOT always have a big package to go with it. that was the shortest dick I've EVER seen. Not helpful that it was also the thickest-- all pain, no gain.
shy fellow with weight issues. Also a small penis, but here's the thing-- had a curve in just the right place and man was he good!!! However, I still stick with the fact that men with small penises pretty much suck in bed.
This particular one used to drive me insane because after having sex once, he'd be done for the night. Hello!!!! A girl has needs! Once does not do it. Made me so frustrated.
Cool guy though- moved away, and eventually married a girl who was threatened by me posting about his "charismatic smile" (a line from when we first met) on myspace. Actually, she was threatened by all his friends who were girls and his myspace got taken down. Best of luck with that one.
Ex #5: probably the one closest to "the one that got away." Except, gosh this guy was conflicted in his head. I think he only wanted to have a family to fix what his family did wrong. We broke up because I moved, and he started dating someone two months later. And yet he was STILL talking to me, even a few months into his relationship with her. I got back from a bridal expo which I had to go to because of work, and since I was there when it closed down, a vendor let me take a couple bouquets home. I was excited because these were really gorgeous arrangements. so-- that night, talking through AIM to this ex and I tell how stoked I am about getting these pretty things for free. His response (knowing how diehard I am not to get marriage nor have biological kids) was: oh, it'll be your time soon.
say wtf? what? huh? then he starts telling me how I'll have kids and get married. Poor screwed up bastard wanted this to be true so I'd be HIS wife and have HIS kids and here he is dating this other girl (Who he's still with a couple years later... must be she wants kids...)
Bad fling #2:
internet meet up. Hilarious and intelligent guy, but I broke my own dang rules: don't date anyone with a bad family, and who's never left their home town.
We met up in Vegas and he just wasn't....what I thought, even from the second I saw him. And... being the nice girl that I am, I decided that I'd give him a chance in bed. Fuck being nice. Ever. Again. I am such a moron. Bad body, bad penis, bad everything. I ended up going to Florida with him....why? I couldn't say, even though leaving Las Vegas I told myself I would NEVER do THAT again. Florida was worse--- he would NOT get my hints to floss his teeth. His mouth smelled like carrion.
It was bad.
so now I don't talk to him even though I did consider him one of my best friends. I made a mistake, but if he really was such a good friend, he wouldn't have done the "guy thing" and screwed the available hot girl who so obviously wasn't into him (despite sleeping with him.) Ugh. I'm a moron, but at least it was clear I was still rebounding at that time from previous ex.
Bad Ex #3:
do not date military guys who never see actual service-- this guy because of a hurt leg didn't see war-- and he was SO broken up about this, such that he wore fatigue pants all the time, and acted like a military bloke (especially the screwing of any and every girl.)
We broke up twice and got back together. And this was after he gave me herpes within the first two weeks of dating him. Proves yet again, I'm a moron, but what a keeper!
definitely a good lesson of "it's broke for a reason."
and now I've got a dog and a sex toy to fulfill two very different needs that were fulfilled by the men in my life at different times, but very rarely having both in the same man.