This is a fascinating subject. I am no expert on human relations, but it seems to me that in times gone by people used to live in one place most of their lives, and have relationships/friendships that lasted a lifetime. Now, at a time when keeping in touch is easier then ever before, people dump each other at the drop of a hat and "move on" whether they move away - or not. Even if they still live in the same town, there is a restlessness, a disatisfaction, or something that causes friendships to drop by the way side - or even keep from getting started.

People feel they "outgrow" each other. Or they are too busy... or they find the other person to be too needy...whatever..

I was watching a movie with a person I had been trying to be friends with for a long time. It was a movie about a group of women who dropped what they were doing in their lives and hopped on a plane to rush to a friend and her daughter's side who were going through a crisis (I think it was something about the The Secrets of the YA YA Sisterhood)...and my friend just couldn't understand how anyone could make such a sacrifice of their time and energy for someone else's emotional problems - especially someone who lived so far away.

I admired it and I could understand it - but I could not believe it. Real people, at least in modern times, just don't seem to bond like that.

Did they ever?

Interesting subject. I've never been good at keeping friends. Nor making them in the first place. I had a good group of friends in my previous college. After graduation, it all faded.

Strangely, Carmen, my best friend in the whole world, lives far away from me. We grew up in the same city, but I moved away when I was 10. Yet we always kept in touch. I pulled her through shitty situations, she helped me with mine. This summer we're going on vacation together.

I think that the main reason friendships fade is because most friendships are superficial. Take a look in your group of friends. How many would go through fire for you? Would you sacrifice for them? For 1, 2 or 3, maybe.

Also, the world has become a lot smaller. You have lots of people at your disposal today. Here I am, talking online on this forum, occupying myself with the problems of people who have nicknames like "crispychicken." What I mean by this is that we don't need to cling to people close by anymore because we can meet people everywhere. I think it makes people sloppy in a way. Networking is popular. Facebook, Hyves, Myspace, all those sites are there to show off your friends list and connect with other people.

However, the more contacts you have, the more superficial the contact becomes. Friends become categorized. Nowadays many people have friends they shop with, other friends to have lunch and talk with, that one you maintain a site with... We're like spoiled children. We got have so many shiny toys it isn't special anymore. A commando who is sent to a war zone with nothing to depend on but his squad buddies forms a much deeper relationship with them than most of us do with our friends.

That's my take on it. Our means of communication are improved. Because we know we can call that person via Skype, use MSN or e-mail them, we'll settle for doing that tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the week after. Or a month.

Everyone has really good points on this subject. I moved from Maryland to Hawaii and I've kept in touch with my very close friends. At the same time, although I still feel they still are my friends, it's has been a little discouraging to notice the inevitable distance that comes with being physically distant - I'm not there in their everyday lives or everyweek lives so it does change the nature of things. Yet still we are friends.

I wonder how things will get when I go back. I think it's near impossible to explain or understand all the nuances that go with each personality. My best friend of 10 years seems very loyal to our friendship over the years and has said a few times how grateful she is to have me as a friends when she deals with BS with other friends. That's probably why I was so hurt and disappointed when she did not fly 1 hour away for a weekend to be my Maid of Honor. Nothing she has done before or after has been hurtful; she's always a great friend. This event baffles me still and still hurts a little.

When her daughter died unexpectedly, I considered flying back but she had a ton of support from family and friends. If she was alone, I would have.

It is baffling, no? I still count her as my best friend, btw.

p.s. I head back east in September! :)

it's human nature. why would a guy move away to a new college, leaving his sweetheart, only to lose attraction to her over time and find another? because the bond of closeness has been broken. it is logical, you can see why if you wish to. i had best friends growing up, they moved away, i moved away, the relationships change because life changes. others enter your life and make spending time with them more worthwhile than calling someone and saying, "what are you doing?" life requires some quality of constant contact. it's no surprise that long distance relationships fail 9 out of 10 times it is tried.

I try to keep in touch with all my old friends via e-mail, myspace, IM and etc, but it's hard without being able to see eachother in person. When I go back to visit, it's completely different. We're able to talk and enjoy each others company, do things.. Talking over the phone or over the internet just isn't personable enough.

I still consider them great friends though and try to keep in contact a couple times a year via the phone if nothing else. Nothing beats being in person though. Anything else just isn't enough.

I don't personally view not contacting someone you once knew and moved away as giving up on them.

Some people seem to have a hard time letting go of the past. I have noticed that nostalgic types tend to look at human relationships in a desperate frame of mind, in my opinion.

Perhaps it's time to move on to new friends and adventures



Cheers

More interesting thoughts on this subject---thanks to all of you who responded.

As a kid, I grew up believing that if you made a good friend, she would be around all through your life. After all, I saw that that was the way for my parents and my grandmother. Why wouldn't it be that way for me?

All that said, I was well aware that with some friendships a falling out of some kind can occur. That certainly happened to me as I was growing up. However, there were some friendships that seemed to have staying power---those friendships I thought would endure. I moved away after my sophomore year of high school but kept in touch with my friends by writing letters. After high school, I went back to the area to attend college. The person I considered to be my best friend went to another college not far from where my college was. I would call her on the phone and try to arrange a get-together. She always had an excuse---the most prominent one was that she had too much studying to do. Yet right after telling me this, she would mention a party she attended the night before. Still, we kept in touch. I went to her wedding when she married. My parents were surprised that she didn't ask me to be in the wedding party. It didn't suprise me though considering how she was acting toward me. I finally gave up on her when I tried to invite her to my wedding. She told me that she was moving and would give me her address---which she never did. I had to call her parents a few times before I could get the address. When I sent her an invitation, she wrote and said sorry, she couldn't come because I didn't give her enough notice! Ok...enough is enough!

Yes, friendship does require some give and take. If one person is doing all the giving and the other is doing all the taking, the giver begins to feel like she's being taken advantage of. Some people whom I thought were my friends got to the point where I only heard from them when they wanted something. That gets old really fast.

Still, I'll never give up on trying to make friends. Unfortunately, I've been hurt many times by those who take advantage, that I find myself holding back when I meet people. Yet, I still try...

I'm middle-aged now and it concerns me as I age that it's hard to make and keep friends. Studies have shown that people are healthier and happier if they have friends in their lives. Also, as we age, it helps to have others around to lend a hand to one another. Along those lines, I'm working on getting to the point where we can sell the house and downsize by moving to a city. Should we get to the point where we can't drive anymore, I'd like to know I could still get around on public transportation or by taxi since I've now realized that there may not be any friends (or relatives living close by) to help...

My husband says when he meets someone, he has a quick intuition as to whether they are in his life for a reason, a season or for a lifetime. When he met me, he knew it was for a lifetime.

I find this applies in all relationships. Perhaps the intuition is the best way to know when to let go and when to keep the bond.