Once again---that's how narcissists operate, they manipulate you into thinking it is you that has the problem, not them. As part of their manipulations, they charm others outside the immediate family, perhaps even making you sound like the bad guy when they talk about you.

As for counselors --- too many of them don't recognize a narcissist when they come across one. None of the counselors that my mother saw seemed to realize she was one.

Unless your husband is fully aware that he is a narcissist and truly wants to try and change, then marriage counseling will be a waste of time and money. Again, most narcissists don't think they have a problem.

While he never hit you or your children, you all were harmed in other ways. The fact that he left you lying severely ill on the bathroom floor for as long as he did---even if it was only once---is shocking proof of the harm he caused. Even you pointed out that he only called the ambulance when your daughter arrived. Did you ever tell your daughter just how long he left you lying there? Or did he act like he just discovered you at that moment and then called an ambulance? Honestly, if that one incident doesn't convince you that he is the one with the problem, then I don't know what will convince you.

On the plus side, I commend you for getting out of your bad first marriage and getting counseling. You don't say if all your counseling sessions were with one person but it sounds like either 1) the counselor wasn't the right one for you or; 2) you left counseling far too soon. After all, you did enter into a marriage with this man. I'm not saying this to put you down in anyway. As I said, I do commend you. However, I do think that your current husband was able to snow you into thinking that he was this wonderful, charming man and he only showed his true colors after you were married.

The fact that you still love him and think that you can't leave him, tells me that you have been emotionally battered and your self-esteem right now is poor.

Remember---you found the strength to leave your first marriage and get counseling, so I have no doubt that you can once again find the strength to do it again.

Again, if you are in the US, call the Domestic Abuse Hotline, the person on the other end of the line can help you break away.

Good luck and please, please, please get going!

You see, as a kid, I was told it was all my fault. Add into the mix both verbal and emotional abuse, and believe me, I know you start to believe it. Maybe you've told yourself "but it's not my fault! I'm not like that!" However, if you hear otherwise, you start to believe that you're the cause of all the problems. One day, my mother even pulled me aside when I was about 9 or 10 years old and told me, "You, your father and your brother are the cause of all the problems in this family!" In my head I was thinking, "No, it's you!" but wasn't allowed to voice such a thing. When I asked, "Why, what did I do?", I was met with a barrage of verbal abuse. So, yes, I do know that after a while, you do start to question yourself.

It takes time and life experience not to question yourself. Sit back and think about it for a while. In your own words, your friends don't want to have anything to do with your husband. If it was only one person behaving like that, then, yes, it is logical to question that. However, you said it was several people who don't want anything to do with him. You also said your kids have asked why he is so mean. That alone should tell you that he is the one with the problem. It also should tell you that, no doubt, their souls were seared having grown up that way. Think back to how he treated you while you lay gravely ill on the bathroom floor. He refused to call 911 and only did so when your daughter came by. Ask yourself, can you really trust him after that? Don't you wonder if history will repeat itself if (heaven forbid) you should become ill like that again?

All this should convince you that you have been emotionally abused. The fact that he has you wondering if it is all your fault, is very telling. Hear me now, as I'm going to shout this ---IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Still feeling doubtful? Then, please call the Domestic Abuse Hotline and tell them everything you've written here---even give more details that you haven't discussed here. The person on the other end of the line can really help you.

Does it take courage to move on? Of course it does! Anytime you have a life change occuring, even if you know in your heart it is a change for the better, it still takes courage---even to make a positive change. You do still have some friends who see through your husband---I'm sure they will be more than happy to help in any way. (BTW, consider yourself fortunate to have such friends!). I'm sure your kids will be glad that you are getting away from him. Most likely, they will even be wondering what took you so long! By finding the courage to move on, you will set a good example to them. If ever they find themselves in a bad situation and are afraid to move on, they will think of you and how you found the courage to do so.

So...first step, call the Domestic Abuse Hotline and tell the person on the line your entire story.

Good luck, and please get going for your own sake!