I came across your story while searching for a way to mask the odor of castor oil. That was several weeks ago and after thinking about you every day since, I was moved to write (I've never before posted anything on a message board).
I sense I should say upfront that I do not suffer from your condition, but I'm not entirely sure such a statement would be true. Loneliness. Ostracism. Self-consciousness. Baggage. Pain. These symptoms of your condition... they are symptoms from which we all suffer simply from the condition of being human. I say this not to diminish the agony of your experience in any way, but to do just the opposite - to let you know that you are not alone. While your challenges and experience are uniquely yours (everybody's are) it was its universality that touched my heart, which I suppose is why I've been carrying it with me since early May.
In five short paragraphs you revealed yourself to be honest, strong, brave, compassionate and kind. Please don't allow yourself or others to write you off with some sort of label, unless, of course, that label is "role model".
Thank you. For being you, and for sharing your experience so openly and with such candor. Such honesty engenders introspection, empathy, gentleness, and a sense of connection in everyone and does much to assure all of us that, like you, we are not alone.*
With respect to your physical health, I urge you to please, please look into ayurvedic medicine (ayurveda). It is an ancient Indian philosophy of healing & living. It's basically the way people in India approached wellness before Hinduism took hold (so it's not connected to religion in any way). I know it's a weird word and, at first glance, all the strange words and concepts may be off-putting. Please don't dismiss it out-of-hand. It is acutely focused on detoxification and its importance for wellbeing. With your liver condition and your positive outcome from the enema, I think you might benefit tremendously from it - primarily, through the dietary advice. Since "elimination" is seen as crucial for good health, right along with nutrition, sleep, etc., the general lifestyle, and recipes in particular, are aimed at keeping things, well, flowing.
For an initial explanation of ayurveda, try this page:
Then, to understand how to make it useful for you, go to this site for a self-quiz and lots of great recipes:
I have nothing to gain from this recommendation; my sole interest is in offering you a tool I think you'll find beneficial.
some stranger you touched