I am so, so sorry that you've experienced this horrible event.
Having typed that, you have two choices before. You have the option of not telling anyone to protect your boyfriend and remain a victim to "Josh," and whomever else your boyfriend knows, OR you can call your local rape hotline and end your role as a victim, tonight.
You didn't do anything to deserve what was done to you, but hiding what happened is not going to help you, one bit. You are only 13 and sorting this out, now, will help you to progress and develop into an individual with courage, strength, and resiliency - your decisions will be based upon what is in your best interests, rather than someone else's.
The national rape hotline website is: http://www.rainn.org
You have options, but you are the only one who can make those choices. I wish that this never happened to anyone, but it does, and victims of this kind of violence don't deserve what was done to them and, because of the false sense of shame involved, they never tell anyone and the rapist goes on and on and on hurting other people until they either land in prison, get too old (or, sick) to continue harming people, or they die.
You have the choice to end this person's violence, now. No, you cannot make what he did to you disappear, but you can call the hotline, press charges, get involved in some trauma counseling, and love yourself as you deserve to be loved.
My sincere blessings of comfort and courage go out to you. You are priceless and valuable in this enormous Universe - never forget that. And, this act of violence does not have to be what defines who you are.
As a strict aside, we are each "different," AC1201. At 13, the "difference" might be as simple as being an artist instead of an attorney, or a healer instead of a builder. If we are emotionally healthy, we sort these things out as our lives unfold. We cannot be expected to make decisions about who we are or what we are at 13. I knew too many classmates who came from over-acheiving families that were literally driven to meet the highest standards and steam-roll over anyone and anyTHING that stood in the way of achieving the highest goals imaginable.
An example of this is a whole family of super-achievers that I went to school with. They all graduated with honors. They all were accepted at the most prestigious universities in the country - literally. They ALL attained these outrageous goals and they are some of the loneliest and empty people that I've ever known.
So.......appreciate that you are "different" and determine what it is that makes you different. Do you believe that you're more sensitive than other people? Well..........you just may be an artist - performing (acting), visual (drawing, painting, animation), literary (writing, story-telling, movie directing/scripting), or musical. Don't be so quick to label yourself......we are ALL different, and thank gawd for that!
AC1201, your boyfriend's reaction isn't out of the ordinary. It is often the first reaction to blame the victim for being raped - I must have done something to "deserve" it or encourage the action. This is NOT true and is one of the terrible stigmas regarding sexual assault - because of the very nature of rape, it is wrongly assumed that the crime is committed for the sole purpose of sexual gratification, and it is NOT. It is a crime of hatred, anger, rage, and control. Period. Sex is just the means to an end.
Your parents may have "high standards," but you deserve to be protected and vindicated. I would strongly encourage you to tell them and file criminal charges as soon as you are able. And, it may be a wise choice to avoid seeing the boyfriend for a while. Something doesn't "sound" right about this whole situation, and it would be an option to protect yourself, right now, while you recover from the assault.
Again........my very best wishes to you and you're strong and courageous - you can recover from this without allowing it to define who you are.
AC1202, I experienced a number of different types of sexual assault and abuse throughout my lifetime, and it began in my childhood, and I've finally recovered from those experiences. I have developed some pretty significant insight and knowledge with regard to these types of situations, as well as human behavior and abuses.
When I type that it "doesn't sound right," I mean that a grown man of 19 absolutely knows better than to involve a prepubescent child in their lives, whether they are gay, straight, bi, trans, or whatever. This is a matter of morals, ethics, and boundaries, no matter what gender role we're discussing. It's just not kosher to "date" a child that much younger than one's self. That's a six year difference in age. To put that into its proper perspective, you have lived twice times 6 years, which means that he's slightly HALF of your current lifetime older than you are. It's just bad form and, in most States in the U.S., a criminal act. This is precisely why someone who is 15 years old is NOT considered a legal adult. They do not have the Life's Experiences to make INFORMED decisions, even though they are able to reproduce.
As a strict aside, how long has this man been your boyfriend?
Your description of him pressuring you also gives me pause for thought that he's deviant and may have offered you up to his friend as a toy. I'm NOT saying that's what he did, so please understand this. But, the scenario sounds all-too-familiar to me, and it is questionable, at the very least.
About your parents. There is the fantasy relationship, and there's the actual relationship. The two rarely cross paths, and this is simply a matter of fact, not a judgment. Your parents are either going to accept you as you are, or they aren't. Either way, you are not responsible for their issues. You cannot control anyone else's reactions, responses, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, or directions. The only person that you have any control over is your own self. This is why it's so vital to get that man charged with the crime that he committed, and get involved in some strong trauma counseling so that you can be the priceless and precious piece of this huge Universe that you are without feeling any sense of shame, guilt, or obligation to "fix" anyone else, save anyone else, or rescue anyone else. Tell them the facts about what happened. Talk about your feelings with them at a later date, because feelings may be associated with facts, but they are feelings. The facts cannot be disputed, but feelings can certainly be dismissed and devalued.
Sex is a very dicey thing, AC1201. It is one of the most powerful things that exists within humanity. It can be an indescribable part of a healthy, loving relationship, or it can be used as a weapon to punish someone to the depths of their soul. And, it can be used for everything, in between. But, at 13, there is no clear understanding of who we are, just yet. It is NOT unusual for children to have their first experiences with the same gender - it simply isn't because our friends are typically the same gender as we are, and our childhood friends are typically the people that we trust enough to begin exploring with. Sadly, because we don't speak openly and frankly about this sensitive subject, we assign labels at a point in a child's lifetime when they don't even know who they are, yet.
SO........try not to worry about whether or not you're gay, bi, or whatever. JUST concentrate on recovering from the crime that was committed against you and developing into an emotionally, physically, and spiritually (NOT religious) healthy individual. Loving yourself, FIRST, is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself, today. Everything else will fall into place it due time.
AC1201, please............call your local rape hotline and speak to the intake counselor on duty. You need a professional involved to help you, AND your parents.
The national hotline website is: http://www.rainn.org
About this boyfriend, think about your age when you became involved with him. You were only 11 1/2 years old. On the boyfriend's part, that's atrocious and you didn't deserve anything that has happened, including experiencing your parents reactions.
You type as if you are very insightful for your age - use that to your advantage and make any and every call that you can that will help YOU, and you, first.
You do have people who care about you, and you probably don't know it. The boyfriend? Please....... Your parents sound as if they need help, themselves. Give that hotline a call and you will be provided with as much help as you need for as long as you need it.
Today is Independence Day in the U.S. Make today YOUR day of independence and help yourself to the best of your ability.
Again........brightest blessings of comfort and courage to you.........you are precious in this Universe and let no one - not even parents - tell you that you're not.
If you have access to the internet, you can contact your local rape hotline or the National Rape Hotline at: http://www.rainn.org Through that link, you can begin getting the help that you need.
Sometimes, it's the best option to just walk away from an unhealthy situation, AC1201. What would you expect to achieve by seeing this boyfriend a final time? You cannot change the circumstances or anything that has happened - it's over and in the past, and we simply do not have that power to change the outcome of past events. Perhaps, the best option would be to concentrate on yourself.
And, I apologize - I got the age of your boyfriend from Glaxony's post when she mentioned an experience that she had, herself. So, I apologize. However, if the boyfriend is old enough to be charged with statutory rape, then he was old enough to "Know Better" than to fool around with a prepubescent child.
...... worrying about your boyfriend, right now. You are NOT responsible for his well-being, so leave this fellow out of the discussion, at the present. You've been traumatized and you do NOT need to burden yourself with additional and unwarranted shame where his responsibilities or consequences are concerned. This is about you, not him.
I would strongly urge you to consider the following options, in order, as possible courses to take:
1. call the local rape hotline for more trained and specific help
2. tell your mom
3. file criminal charges
There is a strong concern about your boyfriend that I have, as a mother and as someone who was once 13. This individual is way older than you and this relationship could be very unhealthy for both of you. You have the rest of your life to find a committed partner and learn how to cultivate a safe, loving, and healthy relationship. There's no need to rush into growing up - honestly, I type this from personal experience. Sure, you may want to inform him, but right now is all about you, your recovery, and moving into some healing.
At any rate, you have many options available.
Best wishes and brightest blessings to you.