If you try to protect yourself from others you will naturally live in fear. The need to defend/protect yourself arises when you are not sure of yourself. Just avoiding conflict doesn't give you the peace you seek. When you have no more need to protect yourself, you cannot be hurt or be affected negatively by those around you, doesn't matter what they do. Also, when you don't see them as the instigators of your pain and no longer are in the victim role, they will stop hurting you and find someone else to express their discontent. Anyone who criticises somebody else suffers from a poor self-image and is not able to love himself. People who truly feel good enough inside cannot neither criticize others or themselves. They also cannot be a target of crticism by others. So instead of focusing on your reactions to your family or what they do to you, see all this a means to learn more about yourself and how to accept yourself the way you are, without the rules and beliefs of how you should be. Accept your flaws and mistakes, and others will do the same. And you will see behind your father's mask. He is a very unhappy soul, weak inside and afraid of many things, hence his need to assert himself externally. To help you along, I suggest you read my book Lifting the Veil of Duality - Your Guide to Living Without Judgment. It is not just a book, but a transformational tool that allows you to see yourself and your world with new and different eyes.