Been there done that. What was your feeling for him prior to all this? Definitely go to the counselor. Get everything out in open and ask your questions in front of someone else. Ask enough and the lies will come out. If he really has a change of heart and is sorry for what he has done you may want to hold on. If he doesn't you may as well move on. It'll be misery from now on.
God bless.

aw i am so sorry to here that

i know im not bush/cheney :) but if you would like that kind of very general advice

hell probably do it again

i presume you dont want that

leave him

I am so sorry. Do you have kids with this man?

I have an exceedingly hard time believing this was only a platonic relationship. If it was why hide it from you? Why not invite her over for dinner to meet you, or at the very least (if we want to wear blinders about this) mention the friendship a few times in passing? People don't hide things when there is nothing to hide.

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd call this woman and ask her what their relationship was like. She might just come clean. Did she know he was married? Even if she did she may have her own motivation to share the truth. If she's the kind who knowingly sleeps with a married man, she might be motivated to tell you so that she can pick up the pieces if you leave him. If she didn't know he was married, she might just be pissed and want you to know.

If I were in your shoes, this girl would in the very least be getting a phone call from me. IF she said that they slept together I'd want dates and times that it happened. I'd also like to know one or two things that she would only be able to answer if she had been intimate with him. (That way he won't be able to confuse you later with lies) Other than that, I would try to avoid details, as the more details you have the harder this will be to put behind you.

If the answer is yes, and you are convinced of it, AND you still want to stay with the guy and trust him again I wouldn't do it without giving him one last chance to redeem himself and "walk the walk" as you say. Making sure there was no time or oportunity for this girl to call your hubby and tell him that she confessed, Sit him down and ask for honesty one more time. Tell him you're willing to rebuild the marriage, but "_only_ if it is based on trust from here on out. I have to be able to really trust you to be honest with me, so I want you not to answer this question right now. I want you to think about it very long and hard in five minutes you can tell me; did you ever have anything more than a platonic relationship with this woman?" If he says no, kick his ass to the curb, and hire a good lawyer, you will never have a successful marriage with a this man.

If he says yes, take two valium and call Dr. Phil.

You know I re-read what you said above. Why on earth would he be calling her at 12:45 am?! You don't call friends at 12:45 am just to chat about life. What you do call for is a nookie run if you are a turd cheating on his wife. You said he called her mornings, evenings, weekends, and holidays?!? On just what planet, do you have to be to accept that THIS is a platonic relationship? It doesn't even sound as if it could possibly pass as two people who were having casual sex. It is a serious relationship.

Even if the girlfriend doesn't admit to it I'd give him one last chance to come clean and walking papers if he doesn't.

Well, I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Best of luck in whatever you do.
Gardeninginthefog

You ask and it is so. I'm just like a genie in a bottle...give me a little rub and WALAHHHHH, I appear! Unlike the perverbial genie, my wishes are limitless. You get as much advice as you can stand. I admire women like you that don't stick their head in the sand and hope it will only go away. You attack problems head on and accept no excuses. Doesn't mean there won't be crappy times like this, but you play the game with the cards dealt to you...and for that you receive the Bush/Cheney medal of honor.

I'm going to tell you things you know and some things you need to hear in order to sort this mess out. My line for women is: You Deserve Better. One of my favorite messages going. You deserve a man that doesn't lie; that's not asking for too much, trust me. I want a woman with me that doesn't lie or falsify events or even lies by ommission. Imagine that! You've got a husband that has done all three. He took you away from family and friends (can't blame that totally on him, COO position with more financial security?) but I can see why you now feel like you're on a desert island. Your guy is a bold-face liar and cheat. And you're right, he's been doing much more than he's confessed. He only told you because you caught him, plain and simple. Guys do this all the time. Standard operating procedure for liars. I've had a ton of liar-friends throughout the years and I know how they work. You don't know the half of it! He's screwing her. You caught him. Now, the real question on the table of life is: What would a stellar gal like you do with that information? Tough call. Real tough call. I know what I'd do but not knowing how you handle being lied to and cheated on, well, personally liars are in my "top 3" offenses that I have a real hard time accepting. You'd have to offer a ton of positives, and I MEAN A TON OF POSITIVES to even get close to me forgetting that you were doing another behind my back. I just don't tolerate it. You know, life just doesn't offer enough time to build a life with someone from the ground floor, develop trust over time, get screwed over, years of getting over it, then starting all over again...especially with no real assurances that he'd ever really change. You get one, short, crack at life. I want to spend every adult day I own with a honey that fulfills my requirements. I'm not in this life to "rehab" people from whatever vice they occupy. You mention that he wanted to solve her problems but avoid yours. That's another red flag! I'm sure there are others. Before yet another week passes I sure would talk to friends and loved ones about this mess he's created in your life. Trust is a woman's #1 cherished trait with a man. If you guys out there haven't learned by now, learn it tonight. Women want security. Women want the truth. Without it...you're just another guy out in the world. With trust, you gain the respect and admiration needed for a successful relationship. I'd think about going home for awhile and clearing my head. You're in the driver's seat on this deal now. If you can come up with overwhelming reasons to keep him, then do that. If you are even with the board or slightly below...you know what you've got to do for your future happiness. Keep me in the loop...