Ha, made you smile. :)


Hope it all works out. If not...

"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
-- Saint Augustine

You are so young. You have a whole life ahead of you to experience love. She might be your breakthrough relationship, whether successful or not. It's opened your mind and your heart. That is a very good thing.

There is something about writing your feelings that is almost more revealing than speaking. It allows you more eloquence. I think it's a very powerful communication that should never be underestimated. I've known 4 couples who met on the internet and are now happily married. Heck, people are meeting each other through those internet dating services, probably with a heck of a lot less communication between them. Certainly not two years!

This must be really scary, but you definitely have a rooting section.
Peace, Molly

Greetings received!

There seems to be no delay in your reply on my end seeing that I just now checked the forum and see that you responded just a short while ago so the delay is mine.

Ponder these things not too long now as Nike said "just do it" especially what feels right and good. What feels right and good always seems to feel right and good for some reason. Hmmm... My chosen name is one I resonate with more than my given name though we often just say "Aye" as in "Aye Am" this is a take on the hebrew name that God manifested to moses "Ehyeh asher ehyeh" which just means "I am that "I Am" and speaks on other deep levels also. Just a reminder that as I come out of the box and expand my boundaries that people are again seeing me as a rebel or misfit and it makes not a difference to I. For some reason curezone would not allow that name maybe some other character named ehyehasherehyeh was already a member I don't know. So I righteously added back a bit of the feminine principle in the form of the consort of Jehovah (Ashera) that was hidden in the bible to balance the male and hence my name.

The foused energy seems to work moreso than visualization in that it includes all the common sensory devices and a few extra may be given from within at some point. With meditation you may know that there is a point where your meditation or chanting of mantra goes from an outer contrived experience and into an inner automatic feeling. At first we feel we must do some work to achieve calming of the mind or at least letting go of external things. With mantra we find we must audibly repeat the words and then we get to a level where we may move the lips silently as we go more and more within, at some point the mantra is repeated unconsciously replacing those awful tape recordings we encounter when we push aside the contrived veil. Then the mantra becomes as one with the breath. I believe we are then given or released divine grace to help as my focused energy automatically went to a deep inner state. Also she "was" and "is" with me always. I simply had to re-call or remember that. I say divine grace was given not to mean that it came from a contrived externality, rather because I was not yet fully in realization that I had so much power within.
Now it is revealed Hah!

So Lee connecting as you did before meeting physically is a gift for spirtual souls. This of course is the opposite of standard protocol. Most people are attracted physically first and then they must deal with the lies and the lust and all other manner of illusion before finding out if they mesh on deeper levels. The way you have chosen is a gift to self in that the trappings of denser material matters can be overcome. The physical part is a challenge to overcome but it will be fully dealt with when you are first opened in this manner. As I was you will be ripe for the pickin!, you may notice that less nervousness than normal and the ability to feel more comfortable right off the bat. Of course you choose whether to accept this, you can be just as self conscious as you like, it will be transmuted forcibly or by going with the flow it will be more appreciable. Just know that discomfort is not necessary and signs may appear all over because of the constant "Now" presence that you may find yourself in because of these triggers. These signs may tell you what to work on within, where to go what to do or give confirmation as to inner feelings.

You may or may not find shortly that you will have effortless visions and dreams of self with self in her own feminine form since you may have connected on a deep level. You may or may not begin dreaming together and noticing similarity of symbols and signs that the universe gives you within your daily life. You may begin to feel her touch physically on your face and body, you may begin to imagine what she smells like and because of the gift of sound you will often hear her voice from deep within. Divine Continnum forces in the form of grace may shower you from within and gift a few other senses not to be divulged in word form. These are most powerful and not at all deceiving like the eyes and ears that open up to the external world may be.

This is how it went with us. I must say that focus does not mean a lot of effort, it is not an exercise or ritual even indeed it is through relaxation, acceptance of what is and letting go of contrived notions that one begins to flow. I can say that all is pretty natural and effortless and even now as I write this I am falling back into focus and realizing it will help me where I am now.. I found this focus easy, though one may have to sit for periods, do not be strenous or put forth major effort allow, energy to flow unrestricted without effort and the channels seem to really open up. Divine grace from within will help and guide you if this is the will. Be honest and make sure that after 2 years lust has not arisen or any other mask in any way. If so bring these things up with faith before meeting and work it out. A deep longing or knowing to be touched, held, hugged etc is good. Anything that feels not good it is best to bring to the forefront and use trust here.

I will say this about speaking through a box. I really got fed up with that quick. We came up with a way of crawling through the telephone wires and touching each other. This comes from the additional sensory gifts You'll come up with your own methods perhaps.

Ok now the desperation and confusion I experienced, I will again preface by saying that I Am a "strange one" also. I accept that and love myself for being who I Am.
Well to start with I had come out of a marriage that so numbed me on the prospect of spiritual connection, I could not admit that I chose the marriage to point out flaws in myself. It was apparent that every flaw I saw in her was really my own. I admitted that we produced two of the most exceptional children my mind could create, yet there was all manner of justification as to why she/others should have been different and what I could have shown/taught them etc.. and I realized in my alone time through self enquiry (Who am I) (what is my nature) etc... that it was all a way of avoiding my self so I gave up and went within. It was uncomfortable yet I decided to change myself with no hope or expectation that others would follow or even notice. One inner tool which gave me clear vision and led to me discovering focused energy was creativity and clear inner vision that I have that came in dream form. I think a lot of things I refused or did not want to see in life would come to me in dream form and it was that time I had an epic dream and came here to CZ to post it and met Tracey on dream forum. She really introduced me to the concept of soul mates other than just a cliche and we indeed feel like peas from somewhere on the same pod. Tracey actually taught me a great deal about seeing myself and her intuition was spot on. Sometimes I go back and reread what she wrote to me and I am amazed at the clarity I now have to see these things. Anyway I realized that since childhood I have always had a mate in my dreams beside me who when I would ask, would reply "I am you" when I was introduced to the twin flame concept things just fell into place. It felt right and shortly thereafter my 4 year old pushed me to actually try focused energy techniques that I had only read about.

There came a point whereby I said "I have manifested precisely what my soul needs" At this point an experienced manifester would be grateful and hold on to those powerful vibrations that ensue (take note) and keep on manifesting I did not always do that. My fear was not "will she accept me physically" or like my voice (I had a knowing) but "will I be able to keep manifesting what feels right and good" ..Remember that which feels right and good is....So clearing of my fears began to happen, fears that were supressed and covered over arose like wounds for both of us. We very much so...would find it fearful at first that we would trigger them for each other yet because of the connection the wounds come quickly to the surface, are no longer suppressed and heal completely never to be a problem again. We seem to be keys in rapidly transmuting and transcending each others karmas this is because possibly we are rare in that we have no karma with each other and any that is incurred should be rapidly dissolved (just a guess). This is a process and everything is not always appearing to be peachy keen though in reality we know it is because we are working through major issues. I am glad to have a catalyst to help speed things up open up and be who it is that I Am.

Do not fear such things as we might be tempted to do. At least do not give credence to those surface fears ,they are illusion and perhaps a test that you will pass. The things I feared in the forefront were fears that others (society, family, media etc..) imposed on me which is why they were topical, at the forefront. The real fears were deep and suppressed. Welcome those issues as you feel the comfort and knowledge that she has the exact same ones. When you see yourself in her eyes, look at your self with love. Eventually you may see the divinity in her. I was surprised to learn that I could actually stand to love myself more or that I am grateful to realize I felt unworthy to receive in certain areas of my life to be complete, as these things are now transmuted into their proper place of I deserve and I Am... This unleashed the tremendous power of creativity and manifestation that is now apparent and inside, I'm glad that it was revealed and admitted that I often sabotaged myself to get attention or sympathy from others, or that I often pretended to be someone else and did it so well that I forgot I was pretending and made excuses for the pain it caused being in such a cramped little box with others telling me that this is the way to live in a box (hows that for a run on?)

The striving on this path is the goal right now there is no future goal for us the striving is it. Unconditional love is contained in the striving. I am still finding myself though it is more of an uncovering or revelation of who I Am. When completely uncovered there can be no attachments you shall soon I presume find acceleration in this process.

This bit of rambling that often ensues from my now nimble fingers may or may not help you or others. I see myself in others so I trust all is well as I realize at any given moment all "is" actually well any notion to the contrary is deemed as illusion.

I may add that at the time of my marriage ending I quickly came down with dis-ease which was diagnosed as multiple sclerosis this manifested firstly as numbness in my hands and was caused by ignoring who I was and supressing (feeling)s. This numbness quickly began traveling down my torso and I went within and reversed several of the signs for diagnosis within a period of days. I now only get fleeting numbness as a sign to open up more. The numbness is gone when I am comfortable with myself and my feelings, and can fully exist as I breathe, this is mirrored in that numbness is gone when I physically am with her also. The song breathe by pink floyd comes to mind here.

At the same time I was diagnosed almost in a companion way with an eye disease
called keratoconus which though not a muscular problem like other eye maladies is a connective tissue disorder and came from I believe not wanting to see the truth or be seen and storing hurt deep inside on a cellular level. I quickly lost vision to where I became legally blind. Doctors said the scarring I have is irreversible even if the disease is slowed down. Rigorous Self enquiry helped reverse the diagnosis of ms rather quickly but I still had to learn to see and not worry about being seen. This has taken longer. What gave me hope was the strong inner vision that I noticed developing. This tells me that the outer form would catch up with the inner light. The inner light was seen only because the fading outer vision caused me to go within. I quickly stopped the progress of the eye disease but I had a huge scar in my right eye in the center of field of vision. I was told that with the rapid progression of my eye dis-ease I would be completely blind 3 years ago. My eye doctor last week realized that somehow I have halted the progression and the unhealable scar in the stroma has reversed to the point whereby I can function without surgery. My vision is corrected enough to function normally and I know my outer vision is readjusting to that of the inner and now I believe is in the process of clearing out my connective tissue all the toxins of fear and guilt and insecurity so that the outer matches up with what I know is inside.

I do not know your personal story yet I see the divinity in you and know that in your own way as it is for I so shall it be for you.

Oh remember this is really about you finding self I have no doubt that in the end we shall join as one..All the rest is to get us to do just that and become self-realized. Even a twin flame may be tool to show this. Do not be attached to any of this.

Aye

As it stands yes.

Whether or not you ever meet up the effect is one of recognising your qualities through your love of her and her s of you.

In effect you are becoming more aware of yourself which is no bad thing