You are mistaken if you think I am not meaning well by what I am saying here. Know better by considering this:
If I did not care at all about your situation, then I would be indifferent to it, and therfore, would not post anything. For then, I could care less about the situation that you are finding for yourself in. It would mean nothing and have little to do with me.
On the contrary, I do care very much. It may not be in the form you would like it to see come to you. But it is merely some insight that is being offered here, that you may have not considered, or have too hastily discounted or tossed aside. One can learn from anyone and everyone… as everyone is a mirror for everyone else.
And, I am looking into the mirror when I look into your situation. The situation is reflected back and reminds me of my own experiences I have had… my own nightmares that I have gone through myself.
It is the dark night of the soul that everyone must pass through to get to the other shore… where one finds ultimate peace and joy, and where one’s true sanity is regained… Perhaps the scenery may be different for each one us… because everyone has a little bit different mind filled with slightly different experiences, accumulations of knowledge and beliefs… but it is the same mechanism… which creates the same kind of dark night and nightmare for oneself.
So in this regard, you are not so much different than others around you… not so special as to be the only one that hears voices. For everyone is hearing voices… How much it is bothersome…it is a matter of degree… the voices of the past… from childhood… even from past lives… voices flowing from the insanity that exists within all societies… that keeps driving so many of its participants over the edge… in the name of progress it continues on and on.
From the perspective of the soul, from that which lay at one’s innermost core of one's being, everyone... every thing, every voice, whether it be real or not, lay outside of this.
With this perspective, there is no inner… everything is outside of one’s innermost state of being. Everything, outside of this, can be as easily seen as non-essential. As easy as it is for you to ignore whatever I am saying, you are capable of ignoring whatever voice comes to you that you do not consider essential to you. It also lies outside of the innermost core of your being... just as I do.
So, the real issue of importance, here… the most essential key point to consider, here, is being able to identify with your innermost, essential core… it has been called the soul… the self… the ‘no self’… ‘no mind’… the witness… the ultimate… observer… God. Being able to identify with that which witnesses everything as it passes in front of itself… this is the real issue. To be able to discriminate between what is the mind and what is the witnessing consciousness... to disassociate with the mind... to identify with the witnessing consciouness.
Being able to discriminate between the mind and the witnessing consciousness is the real work is that you have before you. That is why my insistence on meditation. Meditation is the art of discriminating between the mind and the pure witnessing consciousness, that which is purely witnessing whatever passes before itself… without making a judgement of some kind or other, by saying… this is good or this bad… this is right or this is wrong… or this is good or that is evil.
Being firmly established within this witnessing consciousness will help one not to be pushed and pulled to the high point and low points of emotional anxiety. One remains simply observant of that which passes by the window of the mind… over time… and becoming more rooted in this… one mellows, relaxes… the lake of emotions becomes calm, relaxed… the waves becomes less and less until one’s awareness is just like the mirror… simply reflecting… no waves of emotion, of thought, or of feelings are created as a result by what is being observed.
Not allowing oneself to be bothered by the barking dog next door…or by the crying baby that is sitting in the seat just next to you on the airplane… or by the television news blaring its displays of crimes and wars…or by what the nagging wife is yelling at you as she vents her displeasure… or to the dripping facet that won’t let you sleep at night… or to all the voices that come in to the field of vision or within earshot… it is basically the same…
It is being able to identify with your innermost, essential core is what is the real issue, here… then, all of everything else remains outside of oneself. Once this maturity has been attained, then, everything outside of oneself is non-essential and insignificant.
Once this is attained, then no outer voice, real or not, will cause one to waver from the absolute center of one’s being. This is a path that one has to walk on his own to get to… you cannot get there by holding another’s hand… it can only be done in one’s absolute aloneness… without anybody else there to guide you… to be with you… true religiousness is an individual experience… it is not for sale in the marketplace, you can not jump on a train or a boat load of other people to get there.
This is why I say, really, nobody else can help you… you can only help yourself… And meditation is the way to help yourself.
You had said previously you went through a period of last two years of going through an extremely intense process of psycho-spiritual initiation.
Perhaps, you were not quite ready to make this journey at the time… perhaps you needed to evolve a little more in the corporeal world… with relationship… of being with others… or perhaps, you needed an alive Master to take you on this journey…And perhaps, the one that was taking you through this intense initiation was not a Master… he may have been calling himself a Master or a teacher… but a teacher, a pseudo-master is not a Master… only a real Master knows the pitfalls that one can fall into along the way, if the proper care is not taken.
Another thing that has come to me while writing this to you is that the possibility of repressing sex energy can cause considerable problems for oneself… create hallucinations for oneself…
Sex energy is life energy… it is the same energy... this energy needs to move …repressing it, is not allowing it to move naturally… when energy is prevented from doing so… if not allowed to move naturally, it will find other ways to move… it will move, then, in perverted ways… move in unnatural ways…
This is the problem that all priests have to come to deal with… the energy will move regardless of how one tries to prevent it from moving… this is why the perversion and the crimes committed by these people…they were doing something that they thought was holy. It is only unnatural…
They think that they can force themselves to be celibate and it will bring themselves closer to God… they are doing just the opposite…they are moving further away from God…. they are going against nature and have harmed so many as a consequence… the violence… the rapes …and the murders they have done and are ultimately responsible for. In their misunderstanding of the natural laws that need to be abided by, they have consecrated such acts as holy? They are more lost than anybody… they are the criminals of criminals, because they pretend to be that which they are not. And they affect great numbers of people with the positions they have.