You've done some pretty dramatic things in your young life, and all have been to convince a guy to love you. Think about it. You changed everything, you sacrificed it all...he put nothing on the line. He had the luxury of seeing you, downplaying your importance to him, and you felt invested. I have every right to call you a fool...but...I'm not going to. You wanted the dream. Many women want that guy on the other end of the monitor to be exactly what they dreamed of. Back to reality. If you never repeat this mistake then it all was for the better. A very expensive lesson, but an eye-opening one at that. Never, EVER put your life's ambitions on hold to enter the first stages of a relationship. He gives a little, you give a little. See how that works. Then step it up a notch, he steps it up a notch. Responsibility is shared equally. This guy doesn't have anything to lose because you willingly accepted all the risk. Focus on your life, focus on getting your body back in fighting shape, carry on aggresively with your life's pursuit. Don't get sloppy with your feelings. There is a guy out there, a decent guy, who is the one. This guy is number two...if you know what I mean...lol.