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Molly Bloom Views: 2,246
Published: 15 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,057,232


Honey, you have some maturing to do. While I know you are lonely, you are not doing either yourself, or any woman a favor by seeking a relationship. Maturity is the key. You are still young, full of conflicts. We were all there once. There is a passion with youth (even angry passion) that fades with time. I feel that you will blossom as you get close to your 30's. In the meantime, there is no shame in being alone.

At this point you may have one night stands, with like-minded women who also have conflicts about relationships. The one thing you don't want to do is take some poor, sensitive woman and hurt her. I knew many men like you in my early 20's. What you are going to get are women that want to fix you (the ones that are attracted to that sort of thing). You must resist those poor creatures, and let them get men that will respond in kind.

I think that men really start to get it together between 28 and 30. They start to feel the need to settle down, and you will notice there is a great deal of weddings between people at that age. In fact you will go to a wedding a weekend around then for old friends. Divorces start about 4-6 years later. Then another spat of 2nd weddings about 35. I know, sounds weird, but these are my observances.

So, while we want you to be happy, I think the only way for you right now is to deal with this issue. The hurt will slowly subside. The need to be close to someone will mellow you. You'll get there. In the meantime, enjoy the company of friends. You never know, the perfect woman may just jump out at you in the most unlikely of places. Women are everywhere, and you are correct, there are many in your future.

The one thing I am concerned about is how you are communicating to people now. Deep down inside, do you really want to make people uncomfortable? Even if you get the benefits of...reverse rapport? It's a high negative, and people have to work very hard to get to the "rapport". Oh sure, eventually they will say, "why, he's not so bad". But it grows tiresome that game. I wonder why you decided to be so abrasive? Who was your role model?

Rygar, seriously, it's this issue you need to work on more than relationships. I'm sure you can get sex. But friendships built on friendliness and compassion? That is the stuff of life. People who can depend on you to challenge them intellectually, but not emotionally. You want to know yourself? You have some digging to do my friend. I've read your posts on this forum, and while a bit abrasive, there is a kinder and gentler side to you. You're not a bad guy at all.

I have a friend who is like this at 40. But because he is such a good friend, I can put up with those moods. He has too many good qualities to let the bad ruin what we have. I will tell you however, he has not had a proper relationship in his entire life, and he is miserable. He is just now learning to be giving and caring and unabrasive to his objects of affection. He is very lonely now. And I don't want this for you. You have some major work to do, and I'm not sure how you are to go about doing this.

Meditation comes to mind. Some sort of mental/body kind of work. You are at the perfect age to start. Don't wait until you are 40 like my buddy. Consider what I say a kind of warning, your life will pass quickly, and you have to utilize your intellectual gifts now. You are definitely not dumb. And you are not a loser. Two things that you can use to your advantage.

Think about what I said. Perhaps I am way off base because I don't know you personally. My instincts on this are strong however.

Hey, I'm 51. I've seen a lot. I'm not perfect, but it's taken me years to know who the hell I am!!

Love, Molly


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