Thanks for your supportive responses. i am touched by the concern and the relating of experiences with Depression (which for me is always so clearly the result of compulsive overeaating)
I wrote the following letter in response to someone who messaged me.
I thought I would start a long fast Sunday, Dec. 10 but will probably start Monday, with everyone else in a group someone on curezone sarted.
My letter below gives my status and strategies on persuading myself to fast for longer periods of time.
I found something sufficiently compelling (too shy to say exactly what) that helped me make certain commitments to myself about lengthening my fasts. The letter below describes the specifics of my self-commitments to longer fasting periods.
This fast will be at least 66 hours.
But I have had the idea to fast 25 days. Just to do it. i know I can.
The trouble is, I cannot set my mind to staarting today if I have given myself permission to start tomorrow.
But I did have really positive energy about starting today, and making it a really long fast.
I am quite discouraged about my inability to detach from my drug, food.
Zen teacher says to think: "these are only thoughts... who am I REALLY?", in other words, as I interpret it for my fasting, I CAN stand to fast... the negative thoughts that say that I HAVE to get high as long as I am "allowed" to are ONLY THOUGHTS. And who am I really? I am someone who can fast and become well.
It is great to get a response. i wrote some more on my profile but didn't realize the space limit. It's Sunday and I have started -- I guess. I SO hate not to be completely positive and committed but HAVE to be honest... that is one thing I know... it really helps if I am 100% honest with others about where I am at. Here is the thing: I recently made a commitment to having raw, "living" foods only -- i.e., sprouts... this just works best for me... and I have kept this commitment. Since Nov. 18 I have had living, raw foods only. Concurrently with this I have to have a fasting program, if I want to be well. So: I made a commitment to particular rules for myself for fasting. I cannot not fast. i must, must really get on a regular fasting program and increase the lengths of my fasts... there may come a time in my life when I am stable and detoxed and need to fast less, but this is what I need for right now. So: my rules for fasting that I have set for myself are, I think, very feasible, and I have kept them so far. They are: that I have to be fasting at least once in any one-week period, i.e., I can have a max. of only 7 non-fasting days between fasts (as I say, I seem to be able to do only short fasts right now, though I have fasted once per week for several years... it is lengthening the fasts to the point where they are truly therapeutic and really make a diference that I have had trouble with. i really suffer [depression, brain fog, lethargy] and these symptoms all totally vanish with fasting 3 days or longer and so I NEED to start doing these longer fasts!!!!.... ) .... OK, sorry for complicated message. So, I can only have a max. of 7 days between fasts; and -- second rule/commitment -- every third fast that I take has got to be a "long fast," i.e., 60 hours or more; and every third fast has got to be 6 hours longer than the last "long fast." I achieved a fast of 60 hours a little while ago. Probably 2 weeks ago or longer :( ... It seems, however, that setting these rules has to some extent, at least in the beginning, made me fast less. :( The program is a little too easy. i feel as though I would have achieved a 66-hour fast by now WITHOUT the commitment to the rules I set for myself. But I am afraid to set a more strenuous program, because I know myself and know I will just get discouraged and it will be REALLY hard to convince myself to pick myself up again if I fail. But it is so hard to take a "long" fast when the "rules" or the commitments I have made to myseld do not REQUIRE me to take a "long" fast! Even though my body VERY clearly needs to fast a long time, I am discouraged by the idea that "well, if I fast a long time NOW, I will just have to fast a long time AGAIN, within a week, to keep my commitment." The commitment is VERY important to me. It really helps me to have it. So -- long story short -- it is hard for me to begin a long fast Sunday, today, because this would only be my second fast since my last long fast -- not my third fat -- not the fast that I am required to make a "long" fast, in this case, 66 hours. Not being REQUIRED to fast even 66 hours (required by my own commitment, that is), I find it EXTREMELY hard to feel at all motivated to fast the 66 hours (or longer, as I would of course love to do). ... I guess the thing I could do is revise my commitment so that if I fast a long fast "early," before I need to, -- say, if I fast a long fast on the SECOND as opposed to the third fast after my last long fast -- I do not have to fast a long fast again on the third fast after the long fast... I can wait 3 fasts before a long fast, again. But I still do not know whether this will actually get me to fast a long fast before I actually HAVE to, according to my own "rules." I feel so discouraged -- as though I have totally slowed myself down, and destroyed my own motivation, and given myself new excuses not to get detoxed... Ugh. ... You may think these rules are odd, but they are the best method for me. I have been struggling for years to achieve longer fasts... I know I do well with feasible commitments, and with keeping track of the time i have kept them, like an alcoholic counts his sober days in AA. I have studied my own fasting patterns, and i developed these "rules" or this program for fasting based on my own patterns. I found it would usually take me 3 "tries" to fast a long fast. Well, anyway, long message. The good news is I am totally committed to my "new rules" and fast-lengthening program, so if I fail to fast longer than 24 hours or so today, I will definitely keep the long fast MOnday, assuming I start then. Eventually the time will come when I am REQUIRED by the rules to fast the 66 hours, and I will do it then. A fast is anything longer than 24 hours: if I fast 24 hours, it's a fast, and it counts, and I have to consider it in my program. This fast may be a short fast, but I am willing to actually go longer than 24 hours, and let it count as a fast, so that my next fast (required to take place within 7 days of this fast) will be REQUIRED to be 66 hours. I am showing a little willingness, you see, in that I am letting this short fast actually be a "must-count-as-a-fast" fast, instead of intentionally breaking it before 24 hours have elapsed,and thereby "buying time" before I become "required" to take the 66-hour fast. ...
Again, I am sorry for all the detail.
I think in writing all this out I am just reafirming it for myself, reaffirming my commitment to my "new rules," which are, despite my taking advantage of them quite a bit, are still really working for me. This 60-hour fast I just took is the longest I have fasted in 3 plus years. That's success!
I think I just feel the need, also, for self-disclosure and support. ... another thing I was going to mention I forgot, but... I shared the fact that I fasted with a teacher today at my Zen center. This went over not that well... so I need people who really support fasting. This is another reason I am glad to hear from you. Thanks very, very much, again, for writing. I may "post" this letter so I can share with all.
Best wishes to you, too,