I am sure of how I feel though sometimes not able to rationalize or understand why I feel the ways I do..a problem in the past is that I tried to label,compartmentalize and put everything into neat little boxes,open up whenever it was convenient then put away when it wasn't.
For the time being..I will just accept how and what I am feeling,regardless of rhyme or reason,even if just to feel.
The other statement..I don't see what people see in me,I am aware of some of the qualities that set me apart from others but I don't see how it makes me more or less attractive then someone else.
I am a contradiction at times..I want things both ways (literaly) alot of the time.
I want to be single,yet involved,hate yet love,be with a girl yet also maybe a guy...I have many feelings and thoughts going on,I express them both openly and they are both valid at the same time maybe opposing..it's just how I am and what I am feeling and thinking all at the same time.
Everyone has a social persona/mask,some people intentionally develop theirs and others just wear their hearts/intentions on their shoulder..I do a little both.
Who am I? how am I really? weary,confused,lost,scared,fragile,sensitive,emotional,sexual,well intentioned,agitated,irate,distant,aloof,self-conscious,tense..
now,in my position..would it be wise to just wear my emotional states on my sleeve and just 'be genuine'..genuinely screwed up? or would I try my best to maybe not conceal these feelings but riding them out and trying my best to deal with them,maybe improve on them? is that fake? or is it improving myself to appear less vulnerable to the world?
I have the ability to lay it all out on the table,as conflicting and opposing either sides of the coin may be..I may not accept some of the things but choose to ride it out either way...it's ..me.