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Re: Finally waking up
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Published: 15 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,064,781

Re: Finally waking up

Savingmyself, I was married to such a Thing for almost 15 years and produced 2 children with him. If you are so inclined, read back on a few of my posts and you might be able to see the patterns that are similar to what you are currently tolerating.

Why do we choose these people? Most often, they choose us as their narcissistic (in my case, abusive NPD) supply sources. They prey on the loving, honest, naive, empathetic, and kind personalities because those are attributes that they do not possess, themselves.

Why do we remain with these people? The dynamics of NPD are so insidious and thoroughly damaging that, even for me, it's sometimes unfathomable that we can't see these red flags flapping in the breeze. "The Malignant Narcissist" is a very detailed book BY an NPD and offers excellent insight as to the core issues of the NPD really are.

To save yourself (and, your precious daughter), you might want to walk away without looking back. There will be no explanations, no promises, no cures, no changes in his behaviors, and no real resolution to the situation. For me, resolution comes when 2 (or, more) parties come to an understanding. An NPD will never, ever, ever, ever admit wrongdoing or apologize for inflicting emotional or physical pain upon their supply sources. And, we cannot - CAN NOT - help them heal and change. We are not responsible for their choices and we do not have to tolerate their abuse, for any reason, under any circumstances.

Once you walk away from this ass, you will be tempted to contact him, spew forth your feelings, apologize for everything, and try to "make things right" even if you don't mean to give in to any of those things. The NPD will turn every good intention into a weapon with which he/she will torment their supply sources. Supply sources aren't even viewed as human beings - we carry no more importance than a dishrag and are seen as such.

Take your daughter by the hand, and turn your collective backs on this man without a second glance backwards. There are bad people in the world, and you had the misfortune to be taken in by one.

My most heartfelt best wishes to you and your daughter. You will be JUST FINE!

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