As I understand your post, Blue Rose, the only narcissistic person you refer to is your mother who passed away. Are you saying that you are wondering what you could have done in the past to improve the family situation?...NOTHING, a child can do absolutely nothing. It was your father's duty to put a stop to your mother's narcissism and ensure the integrity of the family, but he probably would have ended up in jail for hitting her or for some trumped up charge because your mother didn't want him around any more (I'm serious).
Stopping narcissistic behavior in A LOVED ONE is almost impossible without causing bodily harm to them. Narcissistic people will not respond to mere threats from a loved one,...simply because the narcissist KNOWS that the loved one won't hit them, nevertheless, it was his responsibility to put a stop to it, NOT YOURS, but, as I said before, outside of violence, there's NOTHING that can be done about a narcissist. It would be a MIRACLE if one would agree to go to therapy or a counselor. Narcissists are the most dangerously wreckless people on earth to their relationships because nothing can be done about them short of drugging them or using violence.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Narcissistic people are narcissistic BECAUSE (and only when) they know they can get away with it (with certain people...FAMILY MEMBERS, employees, etc.). Forget about all the clinical and scientific research, narcissism is not an involuntary behavior.
Control freaks are, essentially, "spoiled brats" who never grew up and still want their way, but narcissists are people who have found someone to control and manipulate day after day, they are people who KNOW that you won't hit them because you are either a
1) loving person that won't hit them
2) are an employee and won't hit them.
either way, they are "narcissistic" because they know that the particular situation is "safe".
There's nothing a child can do (except if you threatened her with violence AND she took you seriously). I had to learn to realize that also.
Telling another adult is worse than useless. It would have been reported to a child protection agency and if anything was done, you would have ended up in foster care (which is almost always much worse for everyone, especially the child).