I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I do hope you know that you will survive and become stronger, without 'him'. There will be days that devastate you yet they will get better. You will be able to see the light through the tunnel and it will be like 'why did I even miss him, at all?'. It does take time to get there though.
Sometimes, the bullsh*t seems better than the lonliness. I assure you it is not. The lonliness is only temporary. If you need to be away from the residence to get stronger, so be it. Your animals will (as long as you are feeding them) survive and will still love you, when you become strong enough to find your way back home.
Find things to do...for you...that shows you your strength. Please whatever you do, do not fall back into the pattern of believing he is 'better than this pain of being alone'. (I am sorry I have not read your post below, so maybe I am misspeaking. If so, accept my apology. I just felt compelled to type to you in this post.)
Yes, you, deserve better. It is not unreasonable to 'hope' that things would get better, YET it becomes necessary for One's survival to remember IF things could have gotten better, then they would have. It is hard to toss the years that was invested into the relationship away. We, as women, are taught to 'stand by our men' no matter what. Except this is not the right way to live. Women are ALLOWED to stand on their own and in their own strength, not to be encumbered by a man who uses his strength to control his insecurities.
Please, if you need to 'talk' to keep yourself moving forward.. and my friend, as long as you do not return to that relationship, you are moving forward...feel free to email me.