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Re: Will nobody help me out?
b2reflect Views: 1,238
Published: 15 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,066,585

Re: Will nobody help me out?


not to take away from what yours is, yet he was in this relationship also. He was not innocent. There is 2 sides to every story...almost always...if a man is abusive, there is mostly his side.

I was in that. No matter what I did, I could not do it right. I could 'kiss his feet (which thank you God, I did not)' if he told me to and it still would not have been right. I did, most of the time, what I was told. It still wasn't good enough. There is so much more to this story. Yet the bottom line is, when I left him the first time, he swore he loved me and he would change. LOL Ironically when someone blames it on every other person but themself, they cannot change, for there is nothing to change in them. So, he went through the motions and blah blah blah, he went back to the same things.

I finally left him, December 31, 1995. I swore I could not keep going in this life I was leading with him. I had a child (thankfully not his) and could not allow my child to believe a man had a right to do this to a woman. I had to leave before another year began with this man. I did. NOW, with all that said, I am going to tell you, that after I left and he called and said he was sorry...he loved me...he knew he was wrong...all the bull crap he had said many times, I thought maybe he was right about everything. Mind you, he had also told me many times, IF I DID NOT MAKE HIM MAD, HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO HIT ME (or whatever abuse he did, in that time). I got to thinking maybe it was my fault he did this. Maybe I didn't deserve anyone better. Maybe I would be alone the rest of my life (when he would say that, he would comment about life being a day at the beach with him...I would always come back with a cold winter's day, below zero, freezing my arse off, day at the beach!) I, fortunately, had family and friends around me to keep the truth in my head. I realized, if he was THE BEST I could get. Then, it was time to thank God, I was alive and just accept I was going to be a single old lady, one day. It became easier to accept, as time went on. (I am single, in this moment. I love being by myself. I am not lonely anymore. I am alone yet not lonely.)

Everything was not you. You did not (solely) push his buttons. Even if that were true, it is his responsibility to accept that he allowed you to do so. You said initially, he would play his music quite loudly through the walls, while you tried to sleep. That is not the actions of a person who loves another person. That is the actions of a person who is only interested in themselves. I am sure there was more than that he did, which was inconsiderate of you. Do not take from his actions and behaviors.

Yes, it sucks to be alone during the holidays. Yes, it sucks until you can find happiness within yourself. I understand you don't know what you liked to do. I had no idea what I liked before I met this man. Although, I had a child and had to take care of him, so that helped a bit. So, reinvent yourself! Make yourself whomever, as long as it is YOU, you desire to be!

I understand you don't have family and friends around BUT YOU HAVE YOU. YOu must see yourself as the most important person, in this time.

This is asked often, if a friend were in the same place as you are, what would you say to her? Would you tell her to leave and stay gone? Would you tell her to take care of herself, first? Would you tell her to think what she has going for herself, even though she cannot see it? If the answer is yes to any of these and anything else you can come up with on your own. Then you must stay strong and away from him!


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