You are wonderful SS, and I appreciate you and your insights on this forum tremendously and I state this from the beginning so that when you read what I'm about to say you will undertand that our finishing line is identical, but the course taken might be a bit different. I dunno.
At this precise juncture is where I and the feminist movement break off. Not because I'm blind or impervious to the imbalances that have surrounded women forever, but because I think the feminist cause only serves to nail us in the end and push us back into the same corner we've always been.
I'm completely for women becoming whole, self reliant and resilient human beings, able to withstand the pressures of life with as much human fortitude as possible. But I'm not for making women into hardened, bitter, dried up stalks either. Nor am I for giving men license to go off with their buddies permanently to pursue their interests and abandon all concept of responsabilities. And this is presisely what I think the feminist movement has done. It has penalized women who by their very nature or ideals want to be wives and homemakers, and it has further released men from the mindset that they are to be accountable for someone else's wellbeing.
I think it was wonderful and an idea whose time had come when women started demanding equal pay, equal respect, equal time, etc. But where in my estimation they went wrong is when they started to drift off from men altogether and develop strains of mannish behavior and men hatred. It would have been far better to demand that men become better husbands, lovers, fathers, employers, workers, than to grow impatient with them and let them off the hook entirely.
If the idea of "we don't need you" was really wise and workable, then we wouln't have as many young men and women confused because they have no patterns to follow. Psychologists agree that babies need boundaries, but we forget that even as adults, we all need boundaries. What the feminist movement has done is to abolish all boundaries, rather than exhort people to reach a higher potential.
I'm not saying that everything accomplished has been bad, of course not, I'm just not going along with the excesses that I think are just not meant to be. SS, I have a son who turned out much like yours for much of the same reasons. A deadbeat dad who rubbed off his dysfunction on our son. We were only together for about little more than one year, just long enough to conceive and bear a child. But I was young and so I didn't think about the consequences of the whole thing. But because I had the means to live and support myself, I didn't demand that he take his part in the responsability of raising our son. He knew that I had a couple of professions and could do well, so he was happy to just walk away. He had no patterns or bundaries, his own father was an idiot abuser and an alcoholic. As for me, I abandoned my own principles because I felt outside pressure from a culture of feminism to prove my independence. I know there are many people in the same situation and it just doesn't work.
I don't know that I have explained my convictions here well enough to convince anyone that I'm not for women living under male thumbs. I have read articles written by other women on the same subject that I thought were brilliant, but I'm not a brilliant writer and I'm not so good with putting down my thoughts cohesively so that it makes as much sense to the reader as it does to me. Suffice to say I think there is entirely too much biterness in the world, and I long for a place where all people are respecting and making sacrifices for one another. But I know that is a mighty tall order.
And BTW, yes, Prince Charmings do exist, my own Papa was one, but don't take my word for it, take my Mom's.....:-D