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Completely off topic
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Published: 15 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,067,279

Completely off topic

Definitely insightful, Alikat! You most certainly DO have the ability to express yourself very clearly!

I guess my remark about Prince Charming was a bit misunderstood in that I believe in women (and, female children) being raised as strong, self-reliant human beings. B2reflect's feeling that she'll find her partner when she's prepared is such a healthy point of view, I think. My comment about Prince Charming was that we (most women, anyway) were taught through many mediums that a woman just isn't "whole" unless she has a man and that having a man would "save" her from God-knows-what.

I was listening to some old radio programs from the 40's that were once Nationally broadcast, recently. The language in reference to women and their capabilities would NEVER have gotten past the ACLU or women's groups, today. In one of the "Father Knows Best" episodes, the mother was incapable of driving a vehicle, balancing a checkbook, or making a rational decision. At many points, I didn't find the references to be humorous, at all.

Molly, you are absolutely right about women and their status, today. Your point is well demonstrated that the "bitches" are always viewed as the women who are capable and able to make it under their own steam. I know that you could still earn that Doctorate!

My ex despises women who are self-made, self-assured, and maintain a high level of self-esteem. He views them as women who are intent upon enslaving men for their own entertainment. At one time, he had a female military superior and he just couldn't tolerate it. He called her everything from a "bitch" to a "lesbian" to a "whore" who "...had to sleep with somebody..." to earn her rank. He even vocalized to me an ongoing fantasy that he had about getting out of his chair, walking over to her, and throttling her to death in the office where they worked. I was so codependant that I refused to acknowledge that screaming, flapping red flag!

It's not about "feminism," which has really been turned into a profane term. It's about emotional health and well-being. Since there is no such thing as a perfect human being, there is no Prince Charming, in my opinion. My partner is the closest thing to what is perfect for me - he might not be so for someone else, though. I accept him as he is, just as he accepts me as I am. There's no hidden agendas, no deceit, and no intentional damage. That certainly doesn't mean that we don't have our heated arguments or that we don't hurt one another either through negligence or selfishness - we are flawed and we make errors. Its our ability to recognize our errors and work on our own flaws that makes for a comfortable partnership.

As for men (or, women) who cannot understand how women "allow" themselves to become involved with abusive men, there is so much more to the dynammics of emotional dismemberment than can be posted, here. There are hundreds of books and thousands of research reports on the causes and effects of domestic violence and abuse. It's not as simple to understand as it seems, especially to anyone who has never (thank God) been involved in an abusive or NPD relationship. The breakdown of another human being's self esteem doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. It is a systematic, insidious, and progressive series of events, conversations, disclosures, and manipulations that are perpetrated over months and years. So, I would caution all individuals who wish to respond with the "IN YOUR FACE" technique of assistance to learn more about the dynamics of NPD and domestic violence/abuse before they give in to that impulse - some comments that are meant to propel a victim into action can actually cause more inadvertant damage.

I agree, Molly! Time to start a thread in the Women's Forum about all of this!

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