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Emergency focus adjustment needed --- hurry!
Alikat Views: 6,251
Published: 14 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,103,009

Emergency focus adjustment needed --- hurry!

It isn't an everyday happening that I agree with MatnnDeww, and I have voiced the times I disagree with him openly.  That doesn't mean I disagree with him on every stance, and the one thing I can say about him is that he's never wishy-washy.

This is one time that I totally agree with what he's said, -- and yes!!!!  I do think he has a very funny and imaginative way of expressing himself  sometimes.  The fact that you have taken it personally, when nothing was said to personally disparage you, is sad.

You are a very young 23 year old with your whole life ahead of you.   If you don't open your eyes now to the years of misery and  dispair that could be ahead for you, then you will find yourself in a horribly precarious situation and then you really won't have any idea of how to end it.

It's too bad that you've chosen to concentrate on a perceived offense, rather than the wisdom the message contained.  The destructive cycle of alcoholism and co-dependency begins just like your situation.   Man behaves badly, then he sobers up and behaves nicely for a while, partner first complains about his behavior but then feels sorry for him and defends him from others, then he goes back to the bad behavior and the cycle continues over and over for years. ...."I'd list off the stupid, irresponsible, disgusting, rude crap he's pulled while being intoxicated but I'm sure everyone's heard it before" ... Your words.  And you're right, we have heard it.

You need to examine very deeply your reasons for staying with this relationship.  It's easy to confuse love for fear of being alone, fear of rejection, etc.   None of that is real love.  Furthermore, his analyst Mom may not be the one to tell you, but few people can ever help another in their dysfunctions.  It usually takes years, hard knocks, their own determination and some trained counceling to dispel certain demons.   All that a well intentioned partner can do is to become part of the destructive formula

You now have a choice to make.  You can sum up all the wise advice from the people on this board who are older and can see the pitfalls ahead for you,  should you continue on this course, and you can grab yourself firmly  by the collar and run out the door.   Or you can choose to go the route of believing that you are too in love to leave him helpless and start to defend him and you.  Don't take this an an attack on you.  Please realize that it is anything BUT an attack, it is a real concern to see a young woman make some wise decisions about the quality of her life and future.

I wish much wisdom and blessings for you.


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