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Re: My boyfriend is an alcoholic
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Published: 14 years ago
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Re: My boyfriend is an alcoholic


You should try Al-Anon, which is for friends and loved ones of alcoholics. You'll get a clear understanding of what the disease of alcoholism is and why your BF can't control his drinking, and more important why he may be baffled by it himself. I used to swear I would not drink and harm a relationship and would be completely earnest in that promise to myself, but my mind would inevitably win out and lead me to that first drink, which would lead to more, since Drink #1 produces in an alcoholic a craving for innumerable more drinks, and the more you drink as an alcoholic the more your craving will intensify...i.e. the 1st drink is not as powerful as the 10th!

This craving for alcohol, which is a physical effect called an allergy and which only occurs in an alcoholic, is an "allergy" -- an abnormal response to a food or drink. Normal drinkers do not experience this. If my mom takes a couple of drinks she feels lightheaded and stops. She is a normal drinker. I take a drink and I am off to the races.

If your boyfriend is alcoholic, he is led to that first drink by a problem of the mind -- if he could stay away from Drink #1, he would not drink more and would not have the consequences you describe. The mental problem is an "obsession" or "compulsion" to drink -- that idea that the alcoholic keeps returning to the same thing over and over (Drink #1) and expecting different results (that he won't get into fights or arguments, that he will be able to drink just one or two, that he won't do embarrassing and hurtful things to the woman that he cares for). So the mind of the alcoholic must be treated (you can't alter the craving -- or physical -- part; one reason for alcoholism is due to our inefficient breakdown of a byproduct of alcohol digestion, acetone, which if taken in high doses causes that craving for more -- so, every drink I take causes me to want the next one even more! You may be begging him to stop, but I promise you that by Drink 4 or 5, his body is requiring him to continue. To make this matter worse, bodily aging over time causes less and less alcohol-processing efficiency, so this alcoholic condition never gets better).

Throughout psychiatric history different treatments have been suggested and applied for alcoholism. None, and I repeat NONE, have worked for any length of time. Drugs exist to cause an enormous physically miserable response when alcohol is ingested, yet I have heard scores of people talk about drinking on Antabuse. Newer drugs purport to lessen the desire for alcohol, but I have heard, too, that people felt better and stayed away for a time only to have the drink desire return.

The best way to treat alcoholism is to use the AA program, which shows alcoholics with a desire to stop drinking a solution to their "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body." (Which is how it was regarded in the medical profession before AA came along.)

Through a process of self-examination, restitution for harms caused, and through forming a relationship with God or the Universe or a higher power or whatever one calls it, your boyfriend can be a happy, productive, and contributing member of society who *never feels edgy, irritable, restless or discontent* again. Just stopping drinking isn't enough, because the mind that tells him he needs those drinks to "be OK" at whatver time of day, or in whatever situation, will inevitably win out.

Get a copy of "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read "The Doctor's Opionion," which explains that craving of the body and the obsession of the mind. The leading psychiatrist of the day, Carl Jung, sets forth the idea that only a complete spiritual transformation will effect permanent sobriety in alcoholics. Read the chapters entitled "To Wives" and "The Family Afterward," especially. Try going to Al-Anon and seeing what they have to say.

One thing I can say on the very bright side is that recovered alcoholic men are wonderful. It's worth sticking in there if you were initially drawn to him for his kindness and sensitivity. They are great guys and make great husbands and fathers when they get sober!

Best of luck to you; please contact me if I can be of further help.


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