I'm so sorry for all your suffering. I know exactly what it's like to not remember the joy of feeling well, and I know well the feeling of wanting to die (and feeling as though I'm at death's doorstep).
I'm a guy, so I don't want to be insensitive to you. So forgive me if I say anything rash or inconsiderate. I'm trying :)
I believe with all my heart that you can be well, and I think that there are a number of people here who will help you, including myself. Perhaps if you tell us what you are doing to treat yourself at this point, we can go from there. Also, what are the signs of your candida overgrowth?
If it interests you, I recently submitted a lengthy post about how I was cured of candida. If you think it might help, you can read about it at the following link: