The conflict occurs because it still causes flashbacks and fear. I have in good faith spent a long time on therapy, and also talking it out with friends. I always get stuck in the same place because I'm unwilling to call it rape. Everyone else (therapists included) feel I need to put the name on it- rape- in order to move forwards. I just want to acknowledge that I did something that had bad effects on myself and deal with the effects.
Other perspectives on what this is called would help me judge my situation.