I am very sorry and empathize with you. However, I can only think that what is going on is you looking too deep into your situation and leading you to believe things that ARE NOT TRUE. I think you are projecting your horrible AF symptoms onto something much worse.
For instance, I have terrible burning in my thighs. I had this 2 years ago for the whole winter but it went away in the summer when I had a break and an easy lifestyle. MY af cleared because my body was able to rest. Now, I have put myself into deep af and I have a harder road to recovery than simply getting good sleep every night. My legs still burn all day every day and are hot to the touch, but since I have seen them be like this and then go back to normal, I understand what is going on.
Please, understand that you are not your thoughts. You have made a fake world built upon thoughts of doom and gloom that are not true.