I am so sorry for that Corey. That is awful. Same thing with my friend. I saw her so bad that even the worse picture int he world could not prepare me for that.
Don't feel bad about your feelings. I had the same exact feelings when both my dad and sister died. I just plain did not want them to suffer.
Dad had brain cancer and went through many operations with his entire skull opened. He was extremely active prior to cancer and had a large farm and so much you cannot imagine. He had cancer for 8 long years and I so hated to see him like that.
They put him thru hell then the docs told him he was cancer free, liars. They put him in the final MRI and cancer was noted on both his lungs. Had he had cancer in one, they could have removed the lung. His wife asked me what to do.
I told her let him die. So they took him out of the hospital and brought him home. They told him there was nothing else that could be done. They brought him home on his birthday on April 10th and he died exactly one month later.
He had a hospital bed in his home always in the upright position. If he layed down he would drown in his fluids so he stayed up. One day he told his wife, it is time. So she took him to the couch where he always layed and she would massage his feet. Daddy died that night.
As sad as it was, I was happy he was finally out of pain. My sister got the same exact cancer and she only lasted 1 year. I asked Allah to take her quickly and not let her suffer like my dad and she died a few months before I came to Jordan.
Both these and many other family members relied on doctors. That is why I never will.