Here's a solution to your swollen brain, pondering how you can demonstrate your saintliness to the world. I suggest you get a very hard job, in the service industry. This will expiate all your great torment about who you are, what you owe others, etc. Don't let anything stop you, rush out and become a bellboy or waiter or cab driver, or anything, and you just might feel joyous when you get off work. I think you won't feel quite so awful once you've worked like a mule for a while.