You made me laugh,...thank you,..but sorry too! (My life is so screwed too!) :-)
I have the 'slithers' right now, they pull, and are uncomfortable,...and Yes, it ends in a sharp pain OFTEN. I agree, I think it's a bite. I agree with a previous poster,....you are making them angry/uncomfortable,..WAY TO GO! I am doing coffee enemas to get them out faster. That is the only thing I would suggest, if you're open to THAT! Also baking soda enemas! Double YUCK,...but VERY productive!!
Chin up,...a screwed up life is a good place to go up from! :-)