In order for me to post most of the times I have to write my reply in a draft document I've opened and then come back and paste it here because none of my browsers seem to work well with the reply formats here, so I understand you having that problem of everything jumbling together.
You don't have to be a “fan” of Dr. Lam to appreciate the value of some of the info he has on his site, myself I take from both him and Dr. Wilson what's useful to me and ignore the rest, but that article on crashes seems very good and useful to me so don't knock it, lol!
I'm really sorry to hear you had another horrid panic attack, I know exactly what you're going through because I too was very tempted to go to the ER but it was the memory of them not helping me at all and the bill I got later what sobered me up. I had some Xanax left so I had them a couple of times, like you, I gotta have them for times like that and I don't care either what anybody says, I've rarely taken them more than 2 days in a row so I've never been anywhere close to being addicted, and the only bad side effect for me has been feeling depressed (or more so...) after the 2nd day in a row, so naturally, that right there is a deterrent to abuse.
I observed that during my bad crash the “panic attacks” became gradually farther apart and started to decrease in intensity. The most important thing I did during an attack was to take additional magnesium, home-filled caps of Epsom Salt mainly, and I may have rubbed magnesium oil on; I probably did the E.S. foot soak once but most of the time I felt so hot and restless I couldn't even think of it. But E.S. really slows the heart down, it's what they used at the E.R. when someone had uncontrolled high b/p., so you should go get yourself a container of it, I get mine for $1 at the Dollar Tree (but you can get it anywhere).
I came around here then and someone suggested Buteyko breathing, and although I didn't exactly do that, I really appreciated the advice, wish I could remember who it was who mentioned it so I could thank them (but perhaps you know who you are) . Because I have chronic nasal congestion the Buteyko let too little oxygen in me that when I was lying down it actually made me feel worse so instead I just did deep slow breathing and I was able to stop a couple of those attacks on its tracks. I was trying anything, a couple of times I walked in place because some exercise will also “use up” the adrenaline, I also drank a lot of water, did O/P (oil pulling), you name it, I tried it, lol! What I know is that I don't EVER want to go through that again for the rest of my life!
But what really stopped my panic attacks for good was a supplement of raw adrenal that I'd forgotten I had in my supplement stash, I only took it (probably 2 caps/day) for 2-3 weeks because it's more like a crutch, and the few caps that were left only when I felt I needed a bit of help. If you feel like you want to try that check at a health food store or Vitamin Shoppe for Natural Sources All Adrenal, it'll be about $10 (much cheaper online).
It was around then that I decided to do Yoga again because I remembered that when I took Armour I began having panic attacks frequently and they lasted for days after I stopped taking it. And whether you like Dr. Lam or not, coincidentally, he recommends “breathing Yoga” for people going through a crash or recovering from a crash, and you have to admit it makes total sense because Yoga is very calming. That was a time when I developed a liking for Smooth Jazz (had disliked jazz in general until then...) because when I had to drive it turned out that it was the only radio station I could tolerate.
When I read I know there really isn't anything anyone can say, you or even doctors, I feel utterly alone and wish I didn't care if I died, but of course I do. I'm rambling and I'm sorry, I'm just effed up right now, with no where to really turn, people just don't understand. you've NO idea how that touched me, as that is exactly how I felt (and sometimes still do...). For years I've felt NO ONE has really taken me seriously and that's certainly a very lonely feeling, so any time you need to “talk” just send me a PM and you can ramble all you want with me.
Oh, another thing that helps ENORMOUSLY is humor! One night during my recent mini-crash I was beginning to feel my heart speed up and that familiar "sick" feeling sweep over me but right then I opened this Youtube link that a friend had just sent me and the moment I started to watch I began to laugh, and laughter counters stress phenomenally and instead of being unable to sleep for hours like I'd begun to fear I slept really well that night.