Hi, I read your posts and anatomydoll's very kind replies and I'm glad he was there to try to give you some comfort.
Although I already knew for a long time that I couldn't handle stress well anymore, I myself didn't know until recently that any type of stress is all that's needed sometimes for us to have a "crash". I've only noticed a few of your posts but they've been pretty dramatic, which causes me to think that your body is still in a very sensitive state so your expenditure of energy on that trip could very well have been what triggered what you;re going through now. But the good news is that if you rest and give your body the right tools to recover, you might bounce back soon. You'll still need to act cautiously though so you don't provoke another crash, so tell yourself "This too shall pass".
I am much older than you and despite suffering from depression and hypoglycemia for many years (and probably more that went undiagnosed...) I was able to raise 2 kids to adulthood mostly by myself and they both turned out fine, even more balanced than some other kids raised by 2 parents.
Before I had them things were different though, I went through some very rough periods and had nearly lost hope of having a "normal" life. I did end up divorced not long after both kids were born, but I made it through. However, if I'd known some things I might've become healed already, but it's been mostly just me putting 2 and 2 together for over 30 years, at least today there are more resources, more knowledge and the internet to bring it to us with just a few strokes of our fingers.
As for your children, you are who they need, not a stepmother, all they need is to feel loved and appreciated, so make sure you always let them feel that, the rest would be great but it's gravy. I attribute my children being very normal despite my shortcomings and having an absent father to my having done that and being there for them and I was able to do that because of my faith in God. Today they're adults and they've started to recognize what a difficult job I had in my hands, yours will understand one day too.
I noticed by clicking on your nickname that you've been here a while so I'm thinking that maybe nothing I say will be unknown to you, but just in case I'm going to ask if you've taken any iodine or bladderwrack, a racing mind can often be due to lack of iodine. I used to have that but thank God, not anymore. I also wonder if your female hormones have been evaluated, any imbalance there can also contribute to your depression and anxiety. I don't know what supplements you take, if any, I read you were afraid of taking anything, but perhaps you should consider magnesium "oil", in my own experience I've found a shortage of mg. will make me anxious to the point I worry about everything and feel very apprehensive. I mainly take a capsule filled with mg. sulfate (Epsom Salts) at bedtime or rub mg. oil on my arms and legs, mainly around pulse points and it always helps relax me so I can go to sleep. You can also use either in a foot soak or in a hot tub, try it when you feel bad and/or have palpitations, you really have nothing to lose.
But when it's all said and done how we think all day is what has the most influence in how we feel and react, and even how our life turns out. If you allow your thoughts to always run the show you're never going to get off that rollercoaster of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Though at first it's not easy it is always possible to retrain our minds, although I still deal with depression a lot (and a great deal is circumstancial...) I can now stop my mind in its tracks and derail the negative train of thought and get back on "fighting mode", the one that won't let me give up and often returns me to a state where I can even laugh and enjoy the little good things in my life. If you've never heard of Dr. Daniel Amen here's a video that I hope will help you: www.youtube.com/watch
Here's an article that might help you a bit, but I'm going to add my own tips: 1) when you're feeling down, find something that will give you joy or make you laugh and try to laugh heartily at least once a day; if you can't think of anything go to Youtube and enter "Just for Laughs" on the search bar and watch one of their videos. 2) If you believe in God, pray, you don't have to have a "formula" just talk to him as if you were conversing with him. If right now you're not up to that, then try meditation. 3) Cultivate a relaxing hobby like knitting, crocheting, needlepoint or anything with repetitive motions, studies have proven they work to make people feel not only relaxed but better mentally, I've gotten over serious periods of depression and even grieving by crocheting something, plust there's the bonus of making something with your own hands, makes you feel proud of yourself, and having kids they would love whatever you make, and you might even get "addicted" but it's a great addiction to feed. 4) Read and write positive affirmations, for Christians, promise verses from the Bible are perfect. I even found a free little "subliminal" program that runs affirmations continously and that too helped me through dark days. 5) Yoga, by stretching you and making you aware of your breathing and whole body it has a wonderful relaxing effect, choose gentle postures and start slow, Youtube has several videos for beginners that are very helpful. 6) Use music to your advantage, listen to upbeat music when you're down (but nothing too loud or fast), and relaxing music when you're anxious. Many years ago I became a fan of Smooth Jazz because it relaxed me while driving (traffic made me anxious...), and then I discovered rumba flamenca through a Jesse Cook CD at the public library and to this day his music has never failed to make me feel better.
Once you are able to gain a little control of your own mind you'll feel more encouraged and your progress will be greater, you'll only get stuck if you allow yourself to remain in fear and believe that there's nothing you can do.