Hotswap you engage in a lot of negative thought patterns don't you? Like you get a lot of "what is happening to me?" thoughts and worries about the future and you get sucked into them allowing them to snowball out of control often leading to a panic attack. Is this right?
By focusing on holding that feeling all the time, you will distract your mind and recover.
The reason why you are where you are is because your amygdala is hyperactive. You may be in a safe environment, but your amygdala is getting the signal that you are in a constant state of threat due to the constant negative thoughts.