I just got back from the doctor and I was painfully reminded as to why I haven't gone back to one for a long time. First of all, the embarrassment of having a crusty lip is exacerbated when walking into a dermatologist's office that is run by a bunch of extremely cute girls. In short, it REALLY f***ing sucks.
Things got off at a good start as the doctor actually allowed me to speak first and tell him what was going on before making any suggestions. I gave him my long list of prior medications & treatments along with the article longterm posted a link to. He was really interested in the article and asked to keep it so as to use it as a reference later on.
The thing about most doctors is that they want to find the actual cause of things before trying any "published" treatments that have shown high success rates. He right away recommended a biopsy and the first thing I said in my mind was, "Oh f***, here comes another f***ing scar to add to my f***ing collection already." I'm so desperate to get rid of this shit that I just said the hell with it and got a biopsy done today. Well, it sure as hell was not pretty. The cute nurse assisting the doctor would glance over to him and I could read her mind actually say, "God, I can't believe you're actually doing this. I'm so glad that you're the doctor because I could never do this." She even gave me that "man, I feel for you" tap on my shoulder before the procedure started.
For numbing, the doctor injected: Lidocaine 1% in a solution of Bicarb (10%). Doctors seem to all have horrible handwriting so, this is what I could make out of what he wrote. A total of .3cc (once again, I think) was used.
When it was all said and done, my bottom lip was super swollen with no pigment at all. It was amazingly pale white. I got some stitches from the biopsy and was sent on my merry f***ing way.
The excruciating pain set in when the numbing agent was wearing off. I'm known not to take any pills/medications for minor things so, I'm going to let the pain go away on its own. The doctor told me that I could take Tylenol for the pain if it got too unbearable. The physical pain of this doesn't hurt me but, the emotional & mental distress I get from this is just too much to bare at times. I got hit with a baseball bat on the back of my neck when I was a little child and I cannot recall how that felt. However, I can recall exactly what it felt like when someone hurt my feelings, especially if the person that hurt my feelings was a female.
Getting back to today's event, I looked into a small mirror in the dermatologist's office after the biopsy and I looked like I just got hit with a big rock on my mouth. I didn't want to go out in the street looking like that so I asked the nurse if she had anything I could use to cover my mouth. She gave me a violet colored face mask that made me stick out like a damn sore thumb. People in the train gave me that confused & "WTF?!" look. I guess being stared at for having a face mask is better than getting stared out for having EC.
It seems like today's date of 12-12-12 sent a signal out to every damn fine girl to come out today. I have such a weakness for thick, full figured women and I was seeing just one after the other today.
But at just the thought of trying to talk to one of those girls looking as weird as I did left me just putting my head down. This condition just kills my confidence and I'm just dying to get rid of the shit.
Anyway, the doctor suggested for me to get a patch test done (sound familiar to anyone?) to see if I could possibly be allergic to any chemicals that could be causing this. If I'm going to have to go through different tests then it seems like EC is going to break my wallet along with everything else it has already broken.
I'm at least thankful enough for the doctor to have heard me out but man, it looks like I'm going to have two new scars from today's biopsy to add to the other two I already have from the previous ones. I swear that this is the last time I get a biopsy done for this shit. I don't want my whole damn bottom lip to look like a f***ing tic-tac-toe game. But, I guess having a normal yet scarred lip would be better than having a f***ed up crusty looking one.