Exactly my feelings and thoughts. But don't you have anything you really enjoy doing? Even in this terrible situation that you tell us very convincingly, I think there might be something that you can be happy or content. I was talking to a friend last night and I said I still enjoy reading books, watching movies, engaging in some intellectual activities. Internet certainly helps us and makes it easier to attain some of these. I know, we are still isolated and stigmatised; but I really enjoy misanthropic books which tell how wicked people they are indeed -for instance. The trouble is to earn your living and 99% times this means to go working. But there is still many hours left to enjoy ALONE. You need to get on with yourself, try to give it a little bit self-esteem, try to develop yourself in different ways, adapt different strategies (nihilism, irony, hermit way of life, humiliation, shamelessness, violence, you say). This is hard and we all know about it. So we are holding on and on.