Well if it makes you feel any better... I'm in exactly the same boat... I'm probably going to kill myself, or simply, die alone... Rotting somewhere by the side of the road and even then people will say, "Oh, God what's that awful smell?" It'll just never go away... Also, in situations like these I think it's best to get your spirits up... I always joke about my problems... I make fun of those who constantly rub and cough and etc... I often say you'll survive... I'm not the plague... I'm not going around throwing everyone death on a platter... Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a good person, don't let this get you down. Try your best to find a solution to it, as for the girl matter, I'm a girl :) probably not your best bet, but meh(guess you'll just have to learn to lower your standards). We can talk anytime you want.