Tigerlilly23 I have followed your posts and hear your financial distress. I have done quite a bit of therapy and I feel the same way you do, its a waste of time. All the good it did was make the Jaguar payments for the therapist.
There are certain blocks that not even the best therapists can dissolve. One is dissociation, it is the bane of psychotherapy. Not even skilled EFT practitioners can do much about it.
It can be frustrating, week after week facing the same therapeutic wall and being unable to cross it. Few therapists recognize this wall.
Dissociation affects about 15% of the general population. Dissociation is common among those that have been abused, especially sexually abused.
This is not your fault and all the force-thy-self, ya gotta do this or gotta do that won't help. I was there, I know.
There are a few select practitioners that can crack the nut and they are not cheap.
Its about safety, the subconscious is doing all it can to protect you from pain. People asking you to let down your guard and deal with the issue is like telling a pregnant 14 year old to stop being pregnant.