Sorry ocean, this disease is misery. Maybe try to get rid of the toxins the bugs create since we are unable to get rid of the bugs. Keep detoxing, we all understand the isolation and feeling of aging and uglyness from this disease. I think it is a good idea to do something you enjoy once in a while. Go to a club and have a beer, listen to music, take short bike rides, take up gardening, anything that makes u feel happy for a lil while. These bugs overtook our bodies and our lives because they assumed our bodies were near death and were preparing to bring us from dust to dust, but I dont believe they are programmed to kill us. Someday somebody may finally invent a cure, the meds and herbs keep them from getting worse while we wait. I also understand the Depression from lack of being able to earn $ at our full potential due to illness. Just keep going, one day at a time, order cleansing and detoxing stuff for the colon as you can. We are here for you.