This is not a joke, I am deteriorating, breathing troubles. The girl whom some made fun of (age 36) for being on Remicade and prednisone and hydrocortisone for two-three years for chronic undiagnosable diarrhea with a permeable gut barrier. Later diagnosed with Ascaris and more worms, the whole root of the problem. I don't dare call ER for the whole fear of being sent to a psych ward. I want to be at home. At this point, I know my EKG would be abnormal. My ER RN friend is right, they will simply say it was suicide when really I should have so many more years of life. So yeah, not doing well. My mom is waiting for me to slip into a coma before calling for pallitative care but I am afraid I will suffer a cardiac arrest before that has a chance to happen.
The worms are in my eyes, they are everywhere. Sad for me, sad for my infected husband and children. My heart is just fluttering all around. Sad to have no family at my side nor understand. Maybe I will pull through in my sleep, maybe not. I currently developed a large (well, olive sized) swollen lymph gland. I know it is from infection of parasites that my body cannot clear.
Maybe this just feels like imminent death with labored breathing at rest. I appreciate all of you guys, even the ones who made fun of me. It's truly not a funny predicament.
God bless everyone fighting their own unique battles.
Most importantly, I forgive the doctors whom got me to this point. Their O&P tests were worthless. I struggle not for my death, but for infecting an innocent family. Whom BTW, I spoke with a Yale doctor acquaintance whom does understand it is transmissable via saliva. I didn't mean to share my thermos with my kids. I should never have kissed my husband. I repent deeply to God.