Me too. And that is why I am starting a blog and a youtube channel on the subject. In fact, I'm going to put up my first video on this forum in a short while. I am doing this on other venues too, I want to get the word out. Actually, I found out that I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse my entire life through a random video that came up. Actually, I kind of went into shock for about two days.
As to your question......... Why have you been always drawn to narcissist? Because you're probably an empath, just like me. And empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other like magnets. The only way to avoid a narcissist is to set boundaries. The minute a boundary is crossed, or you feel like you're focusing on making that other person happy, or being perfect for them, watch out. You are probably being sucked into a narcissistic relationship........... Again.
In spite of knowing all there is to know about narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, if you do not have boundaries set up, you are going to slip into their clutches. And that is because they are so believable......... So smooth, and it's easy to fall into that trap. So, boundaries are the only way.
Lastly, be good to yourself and focus on you, because, my friend, you have gone through mental and emotional trauma. Over and over again.