I think that is a great idea to join a medical research group! I also think that you should talk to a therapist or support group as it helps as well. They will inevitably reveal that nearly 1/4 of the population has it in their body which will at least help you accept that you are not alone.
I can say that what you are feeling is exactly how I felt, and as time passed, my self esteem rose again and I started to love myself as the child of light that we all are. Hang in there, man. There are many walking the same path.
I personally will not date anyone ever again who does not have it also. I dated a few girls who didn't, and they were okay with it, but I simply do not want to pass it on and continue the madness. But this is not as difficult as it sounds as so many people have it.
The best bet is to find out exactly which form you have. If it is HSV-2 and genital only, you will not get an outbreak on your lips or anything (I never have had a lip cold sore in my life as well as friends who also have genital herpes) so you can still date, embrace, kiss. And then when things progress a little further, you tell them. This is my method anyway. Some feel the need to reveal before any intimacy at all. Whatever works best for you.
But the point is, you WILL find girls who have it. Very cool girls in fact.
It is safe to say that there is a dream girl out there for you who has herpes and is healthy with very few outbreaks. I PROMISE that this is true!
One of my sisters even has it and has given birth to 4 beautiful children vaginally.
It's not a death sentence, man. It's rough, but it's COMMON and there is a lot of support within both traditional medicine and natural, which I prefer.
Get the blood test soon and find some people to talk to. Treating it as a dirty little secret simply prolongs the shame that does not belong!