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Re: update
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Published: 16 years ago
This is a reply to # 378,339

Re: update

the night after I posted this something really poignant and negative happened to me involving what troubles me the most in my life right now. it was beyond just the negative thinking I mean something real happened. I'm afraid I'm not comfortable explaining what it was yet but it was the kind of thing that makes you feel like the biggest loser in history.

the good news is that i didn't kill myself, obviously, I guess I never really get too close. what i said about my parents has always stopped me before I ever really get too close to taking actions towards suicide.

I don't know what is in store for me in my future but of course it's up to me, up to the choices I make, riding the wave, instead of floating. for the past three days i have been making an effort to make good choices, and lo and behold some real things that are good have happened to me. i'm in better spirits than i was. i don't know if it will go away again or if this inspiration will leave me. i feel more determined than ever before to keep making good choices. i really don't know if it will go to hell again, I don't know i don't know i don't know...but the important thing right now is I want to thank everyone who offered their thoughts. I read and considered every post carefully.

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