Mel. more help in addition to the thoughtful first response

Since I have been in alternative healing for thirty years, one can't help but learn a thing or two.

A most common reason for this.......aside from the valid discussion by the first lady that responded, is an underactive thyroid.

But the sad thing is that FEW doctors will ever look in that direction, for the "numbers" that they look at on a blood panel are hopelessly skewed to minimal amounts, and besides, one person may need a great deal more nourishment to their thyroid than someone else.

You can do a far better job yourself with the underarm temperature method which has stood the test of time as the best way to see what YOU need, not what some joker determined was EVERYONE'S need back about seventy years ago.

And food and drink was much healthier then as well.

I'm sure there is a forum here for that , and if not, just search the Google site for Dr. Broda Barnes, and get his book. It's a classic, and beats out most "modern" methods of determining YOUR needs.

Then again, let's review what the first thoughtful lady said:

That it is not so much that you don't want sex, but that there are certain character flaws or such that dismay you, and as you can know, to support the possible thyroid influence, when you are tired all the time you naturally look for OTHER reasons to fit your preconceived notion that you just don't want sex.

I was married to the most controlling, impossible woman in the USA, maybe the western hemisphere.

Why?

Because I have a kind and nice nature, and tend to give when the give is wasted on someone who takes "nice" for "sucker".

You see it a lot.

Anyway, she embarrassed me constantly, deliberately caused friction ...especially when I would walk in the door, exhausted from driving the roads of Southern Calif all day ...sales.

In a matter of moments, my already tense body would be torn assunder with puzzlement over what the hell would cause a person to do such to one who did nothing but try to be a good man and husband.

Sex? It was used like everything else.

To me, I always wanted to be married to ONE woman for a lifetime and to treat her with the kind of tender love and respect and attention to her emotional and physical needs. I studied female anatomy, I read everything I could find, plus my Irish imaginative and soaring kind of love could easily develop daydreams of just how "nice" I could make things for her.

All to no avail.

Dumb. In those days, and the way I was raised, one just did not give up and divorce. That was wrong thinking, for that woman did not deserve one ounce of kindness, and I certainly did not deserve to have my nature crushed, losing friend after friend and even my close relatives told me that they would not visit me at home anymore.

So now, did I WANT SEX?

Emotionally and physically, Oh boy yes, for it should be the most incredible experience in life, to learn and try this and that and talk and whisper and sometimes just plain hold. That is what I dreamed of from teen age on.

So after a few years I did not even want her shoulder to brush against mine , and I took up "world saving" so I could stay away until she went down for her "beauty sleep".

Having but one bed, I often spent twenty minutes moving so very carefully that I would not wake her and have to listen to that mouth.

Sick, right?

And one day, when stomach trouble hit me again, my close friend, an OB/GYN doctor....yes, I know....told me I would NEVER be well as long as I was with that woman, I finally walked away, not having had sex for a long time. And yes, my business put me with the most beautiful women in the decorating business all day, but I was Johnny Straight Arrow.

Until the day when a REAL woman found me and in short order I found that there WERE clean women, who smelled nice, who loved with no guile or agenda, who would give and give, just as I did, knowing that it did not matter who initiated it, we were a team, not separate "agenda's"

All of this being said, however, there are serious differences in the strength of the sexual drive, even in otherwise healthy people.

I have one cousin who is like me....even though we are now past sixty, we don't look it, act it, and are healthier than most thirty five year olds of today. That cousin (more like a sister) has always had a strong sex drive, whereas her sister, I learned about twenty years ago, married a guy EXACTLY like her in drive, and she said that they had sex maybe once a year or so, or maybe not for two or three.

SAY WHAT? said me, but it's true.

They were very fortunate, for all too often one partner has a much lower sex drive.

Sad.

And so you will know how life will be later on. Just because one is sixty or even much much older, sex is vital and can and should be as wonderful as it was umpteen years ago.

It's funny to find that you may be older, but your mind and soul still think that they are eighteen.

Clean living and a clean body is all that's required to be sexually active to a hundred or more.

Ah , but there's that disparity in sex drives to deal with.

Alas and alack.

Best to you. Let us know how you are doing.

And be honest too. If this relationship is wrong, the SOONER you exit, the cheaper in emotional hurt and financial hurt it will be. Keep the dogs.

My "nice" kept me angry and wanting to be far away from that woman, but I procrastinated until there were kids involved and that pain is a lifetime pain. For everyone. Tweet