Richido,Beautiful post to a beautiful person named Zule
That was a beautiful and very helpful post. Yes it is hard to concentrate on Not dwelling on your problems, but it's people like you that can redirect us in the right direction and remind us that life is only what we percieve of it. I know from personal experience that what you say is true because after some self evaluation, I have come to that same conclusion that when we are dealing with family issues,their sickness, problems and trying to deal with our own at the same time, It gets very stressful. I have been the backbone of my family for years.
I am the oldest child and only girl and my mother raised me and my two little brothers by herself. I was VERY depended on all my life and never needed to depend on anyone else so when I got sick, it was kind of like no one really took, or is taking me seriously because I was always the dependable, strong one. It hurts a lot because I get weak too just like them and need to depend on someone else sometimes too! I even get this indirect kind of guilt trip from my mom and even my 22 yr. old son when I show any sign of not wanting to comply to their needs when they need me and it makes me very angry because I need to do what I can to take care of myself right now and I wish they could just understand and do what they have to to take that load of burden and worry off of me! Especially my mother and her diabetes and not taking care of herself and I have educated her along the way as I learn things we need to do to get our health back together. I know it's just about getting into my own space and laying down so VERY realistic rules for how I need for things to be for now on. I love them, will be there for them of course but there is definately a major need for a overhaul in our lives. I need to know Robbie and get into Robbie for a while and then after I have had a chance to spend some time with myself, I can establish a new relationship with them and Not let their cares and woes stress me out so bad.It has gotten to a point that sometimes I would like to just go away for a while until I can get myself together and not have to worry about my mom and other family members that rely on me so much. It's like I feel I need to go and get reprogramed so that I can put my life back into proper perspective.
Now that I am off of drugs and becoming aware of myself and what I want and need in my life, I LOVE MYSELF and I would like to accomplish some things I dreamed of before when I was self medicating myself. I am a very talented special unique individual, not to sound self centered or anything like that, it's just that I had an ideal I was these things when I was on drugs and in the midst of insecurity but now that I am awake, I can see these thing very clearly now, and it's a good thing!(smiles)
I didn't mean to go on and on but you inspired me to express myself and to dig deep enough to realize my self worth and I wanna thank you Richido! It's more than just being here to cater to others (my family) it's well beyond that.
I hope Zule reads this to as when I first came to this website, you encouraged me with your testimony to me and it was a gigantic help and I think you are a very special person that needed a uplifting too. I have read your many post and you are always positive and reasuring and that is exactly what everyone here needs. You take care of yourself and I will keep you in my prayers!
Take care Richido & Zule,