Re: repetitive problem
I used to think the worst quality about me is forgetfulness...I was diagnosed with learning disablities when I was young and I would be put in classes with kids who were retarded or of very low I.Q. I never remembered to do homework, although I could do well on tests. My daughter now has similar problems and she has been diagnosed as Autistic( Aspergers). My daughter is so loving to people(unless they make fun of her) but she forgets them and gets wrapped up in her own thoughts and can not maintain friendships outside of her very narrow interests. When she meets kids around her interests, she does great but there never is a follow up that leads to friendship. The kids think she is odd or whatever...I too have been called selfish and odd by friends and I have almost no contact with people outside of my interests... almost zero interpersonal relationships... I can't remember the last time I had a call from someone to do domething with a friend outside of work or my volunteer activities...but I seem to have almost magical abilities to make things happen outside of friendships in my community for people. I too have problems maintaining friendships. Unless someone maintains friendship with me unselfishly, I seem to just let them drift out of my life. I worry for my daughter because she is so isolated. I know my forgetfulness allows me to be magical but limits my relationships. I fotgive harm instantly but I also may be forgetting what is important? In my work relationships people even accuse me of being a compasionate "people person" because I have a lot of empathy and people skills inside of a working environment.
In my work/community life...I have dozens of task oriented relationships....but like my daughter....I can't seem to maintain relationships outside of tasks. I have had a dozen or so solid intimate relationships...but I will soon be on my third marriage...I never stopped loving any of my relationships....and I don't believe anyone in my relationships stopped loving me...but I am just so different that I just don't seem to be suitable relationship material... I found someone who is very kind and loves me in spite of my odd disposition : ) But we every once in a while will have an argument where she refuses to compromise and in a rash moment I ask her to leave. It is a pattern I have... I forget it almost instantly...forgetting is what I do best....But she says she never forgets... I never even remember what we were arguing about... I am usually very affectionate, caring, attentive...but when I get backed into a corner...I do the same as my daughter...and I withdraw into my own thoughts and I am willing to throw it all away over an argument that I can't even remember the point.
I am soon to be married again...but I have this repetitive relational problem. I have considered getting rid of the heavy metals in my body...This is my fear...What if the magical part of me goes away when I am chemically balanced?
I don't know if I am ready to throw away that part of me that is unbalanced. This is my conoundrum. What if I did detoxify my body...I might lose that special thing about me and still not improve my ability to maintain interpersonal relationships?