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Re: keep talking...lil longer post
 
thinker Views: 1,494
Published: 18 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 665,922

Re: keep talking...lil longer post


Anything that happens in a relationship should be mutual. I hate to sound cheesy, but a few years ago a man came up with a really great word, synergy. Somepeople find it right away, some people don't. It sounds to me like your ex was, as you have said, emotionally imature. SO the two of you didn't have it.

That aside, its time to start thinking of yourself. Why do you define who you are by your relationship status? What is it that dictates to you that happiness cannot occur without a woman at your side?

Before I go much further, please understand that when I point out the things that I notice, it isn't to lessen them in anyway or try to make you feel bad for your decisions. I just like to keep the "knowns" up front so that a certain perspective can be kept. IF the knowns change, then so does the perspective.

This next step may take a while, I know it did me...
But think about the kind of girl that you would like to be with. The one that you want forever and ever amen. Sounds silly, but much like declaring that major in college or setting out to purchase a new car, or house, or even the friends we hang out with everday. It helps the have an image in our minds.
Once you have the image, to include emotional maturity, start to think about what a woman like that would want. Do the reseach, talk to people. IF you find a woman like that but she is married already, don't be afraid to ask question of the couple. How they met, how she knew he was the one, or that he knew she was the one.

ONCE you have all this information.... think about who YOU are. Try to get to the roots of your own personality and decide what kind of women you attract. Are they the type of women you want to be with? Do they fit your mental image? If they do, then great your'e on the right track and it may just take sometime. If they aren't... then the rest is up to you.

Please understand that I am in no way saying that you have to change who you are... what I am saying is that we as people are attracted to certain types. That maybe a good thing or it maybe a bad thing. For me, I noticed that I tend to attract women who NEED. It wasn't until I was 26 that I realized why that was. I liked to play the white night. I would see a woman in distress and swoop in and save her. That's all good and well ONCE, but if you know the type then you know that those kind of women typically need saving A LOT. The relationships that ensued where unfullfilling and actually quite draining. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I set myself up. Now I know that those women are better kept as friends. Yes I still get to play night, but now I don't take them home. In the mean time, I am still working on me, and doing the things that I want because they make me happy. Much like yourself, I would love to find my soulmate. In the mean time though, I have tried to be the best father I can be, finished 4 degrees, traveled the world, currently having a home built, and am in preparation to take the MCAT. If that doesn't pan out, I have other plans as well. It keeps me busy. Coming home to an emty house SUCKS. There is now way around it, but its better this way.

Sorry this is so long... I hope there is something in here that helps. Keep talking and instead of trying to figure her out, spend that energy on yourself... don't dwell on the past. Look to the future...

 

 
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