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my healing wound was ripped open again last night
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Published: 19 years ago

my healing wound was ripped open again last night

there is no pain like the pain of a broken heart. it destroys all good around it. not that there is much good stuff around me but what little there is, it is smothered by the anguish in my heart. last night i attended a party thrown by a mutual friend of myself and my ex. i attended because there was someone there who could have hired me in the future for the kind of work i do. well, my ex was there too and i was not going to let her attendence stop me from making this contact. i met the contact but at WHAT A COST. my broken heart was desimated once again by her. it's hard to beleive i used to make love to this girl and there we were, saying no more than hi and goodbye to each other. she was her bubbly, happy self while i was stuggleing and suffering trying to keep a brave face. i did not desrve to suffer like that. i should not have been at that party while still in love with someone who is no longer in love with me. as i speak the tears have welled in my eyes again. i love her and want her back so badly that i cannot sleep or get her off my mind for even a few mins. however, i know that is NOT possible. she is no longer in my life and her disinterst in me is factual and irrevacable. Yet this throbbing emotion suffering has not yielded. i know this because ever since she dumped me a couple of months ago i have been hoping/trying to get her back. it's been a hopeless cause. i know it's over but the anguish goes on, long after the relationship has died. i still think about when she loved me and how she used to react to me. it was heaven on earth. and now we literally dont speak to one another. also, it is very rare for me to be in a relationship period. i have never been typically lucky in love and usually there is a long, long time between involvements. that is probably also why it hurts so much. i'm back in isolation. because of this i think that is why i suffer for so long and hard like i have. when you are alone for a long time and then you think you're finally free from the jungle of emptiness you suffer alot when your dumped and then sent back to that terrible lonley forrest. cant see past the tears. please respond to my post need to hear from anybody

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