I am responding to this post because I thought the previous reply was a little hard on you. It sounds like you are both a little anxious to make your decision because of the effect that it will have on the other's life - not that you are necessarily trying to control him or he you. Sounds more like you are encountering a fairly MAJOR LIFE DECISION, right?
So, treading on egg shells while online or on the phone makes sense to me. With that said, obviously this is a decision that you two will have to make. He's in IRAQ so you two have spent some time apart, and that adds quite a bit of stress to the equation because talking in person is always more condusive to good communication.
The thing is neither of you wants to make your decision alone because that will probably determine what the other chooses to do. It is a catch-22 because those lurking "coulda, shoulda, woulda's" come fast and you don't want to do that to the other person.
The important thing for both of you to do is to realize that you need to support each other while doing things for your own personal development. If that keeps you apart, wish the best for each other. If the decisions you make don't keep you in the same locale, just realize that this is what needs to be done for your individual development, which will make any relationship you have in the future (between you two, others, and with yourselves) more fulfilling. Life throws these curveballs not so that we continue to strike-out but to teach us how to hit them out of the park.
I didn't quite know where I was going when I started this message, so forgive me if it is a little circuitous rather than cogent:) I am sure that when he gets home things will be a little easier to discuss.