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Re: I really need advice, and from both genders!!
 
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Published: 18 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 666,666

Re: I really need advice, and from both genders!!


You sound like a catch, and I'm not flirting, I'm 40, too old for you! (o: Especially a catch because you're bothering to look into possibly changing how you do things. Some various thoughts -- you're 22. Most women that age probably aren't ready for strong marriage-type relationships -- maybe you will find as you get older and the women around you are more mature, they will want to date you. In other words, you might be someone whom they instinctively know is marriage-quality, not "play around & have a fling" quality. At that age, all I was ready for were flings.

Another thought... Your first criteria for your attractiveness was your picture. I've heard that men tend to be vision-centered as to what they find attractive or a turn-on, and women tend to be more feeling or touch oriented. So maybe you're rating yourself more by what a guy would look for than what a woman would? Which doesn't help much, because I can't say definitely what all women want either, sorry.

For me, what attracts me to a guy is how he *feels* to me. If I'm around a guy and his focus is how to get a date with me, that's what I feel. I don't feel *him*, his sense of humor, his intelligence or kind-heartedness or whatever his good qualities are -- I feel his desire for a date. So whatever is attractive about him just doesn't even make it into the equation. Desire for a date isn't attractive. When I feel that I immediately put up my "just friends" walls. A woman might not have a chance to get to know you if she's right away busy blocking you out.

All leads up to, maybe you'd find yourself with dates, if when you met women you purposely tried NOT to get a date. Not saying to be cold or obnoxious or anything. Just tell yourself for the evening that tonight you're not on the market, except for good company and to get to know some people. (And especially hold that intention if you see someone attractive!) And relax and talk to everyone -- men & women, both attractive & otherwise. Focus on enjoying their company. This might or might not work, but trying different things should get you different responses.

Lastly, my personal experience -- I never could get a date easily when I was younger. Though I thought I was attractive, intelligent, interesting & everything. Then I got really sick and had to focus on getting healthy -- studied basic nutrition, changed my diet, worked really hard to feel better. I'm still sick but a lot better than I was, almost healthy. And now it's a pain, way too many guys want to go out with me. I've had to stop being at all friendly to guys because then they want a date & I can't date anyone yet. (Bummer, guys used to be my friends.) Going to the grocery store is challenging, have to avoid eye contact. And I'm 40! Wierd.

Only thing I can figure, is lots of guys, and maybe women too, are attracted to people who feel better health-wise. Because looks-wise I'm not that much different, weight didn't change much or anything. Actually have a few more wrinkles too and right now I'm way out of shape relative to how I was. So it must be a health/energy/vitality thing, not looks. So it might help to stop trying to get a date for a while & focus on what you could do to feel better -- even if you think you feel fine, anyone can feel better.

Good luck!
 

 
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